two weeks before today:
I was stressed....
...by trying to get 17 loads of laundry done before leaving for our winter vacation. and only succeeding in doing 12. i'd say that's pretty good though.
I was social....
...my mom came up for a 2 day visit, to make us supper, and well, just because. it was nice. and then we left for Colorado for the 2nd time since September. are we rich? no. but we miss our friends, and found cheap plane tickets.
I was full...
...as per vacation, whether short or lengthy, means eating good food and LOTS of it. i have no regrets, other than a slight worry that my stomach has enlarged.
I was loved...
...by realizing my significant other doesn't want to get rid of me no matter how much time we spent next to each other. despite sitting side-by-side via plane & car ride, the night we arrived home we once again sat side-by-side on the couch and watched some tv while holding hands. maybe it was more to cope as i had to go to work the next day. but hey, it still counts ;)
I was neglected...
...as it just so happens last Wednesday, March 1st, was my one year anniversary of working at my present job. which, for most who know me and my employment history of the past few years, is kind of a big deal. but apparently not to my boss. not only did she forget to acknowledge this (it is a small office, after all), but she also forgot to include my name on a check list to read a certain article. and you can assume how that made me feel.
I was happy...
...that i only had 2 and 1/2 days of work before another weekend. oh how i needed it. to go shopping with some tax refund money, unpack, do more laundry, and wrap presents for the upcoming 4 birthdays and 1 wedding/shower, in the next several weeks. yep, i'm getting prepared early.
its march now, and after 2 weeks of craziness (albeit, some of the craziness, was good!) for the next 7 weekends i will be booked. so it was super nice to have one just to myself, to reflect and be glad most of winter is over.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
boobies
okay, so pardon the immediate pun, but i just read some revealing blog posts about modesty and gender stereotyping.
one writer talked a great deal about modesty, (http://nonprophetmessage.wordpress.com/2011/11/21/how-modesty-made-me-fat/ ) and how the need to cover up basically ruined her life. the need for her to not "be sexy" gave her an eating disorder, and she was underweight to avoid showing feminine curves. she talked about how being too modest can be as harmful to us women as being immodest- hence either side of the spectrum is all about influence and how we are representing our body to men. long story short, we should dress to be comfortable and happy, not in fear of or to call out the male sex drive.
my thoughts on this one:
well, i also grew up in a christian community that told us to embrace modesty. being a woman of great proportion in the mammary area, this wasn't always easy. i used to joke, "man, i even have cleavage in a turtleneck!" but mostly, my bodily concerns was that i was too big...everywhere. i still struggle in that area. in fact, if i've developed any disorder because of these concerns (or genetic misfortunes, if you will), i've developed a shopping disorder. i've spent a lot of money over the years trying to find cute clothes that flatter my body. and only a small percentage of all of those clothes have stayed in my wardrobe for longer than a few seasons. now, that's one soap box that i won't stay on too long. but, for the sake of the argument, i am a modest person in dress. you can ask my friends, outside of poolside time and special occasions (where i usually have to wear strapless dresses), i do my best to cover up the important parts. but does that mean i don't want to be sexy or attractive? of course not! i'm in a relationship with someone who i love, inside and out, and its requited. we have our blemishes, those little insecurities and things we'd like to change, but in general, we like how the other looks, and i don't want that to change! in fact, i find it hard to believe that women don't want to feel that way, outside of the small percentile who has had negative sexual experiences, including rape. point being: why is being modest vs. being sexy such a big issue? in asking that, i'm not trying to demean this woman's experience, or my own for that matter. but let me just say this: if getting dressed in the morning takes up that much emotional turmoil- then try to find the real root of the problem and deal with it. in the case of this blogger, she realized being too modest was keeping her from being her true self. my true self in relation to my clothing? i think that my style is cute, current, but not elitist in any way. i don't care about name brands. i don't care if my shirt was a $3 clearance find. what i do care about is if i like it, it fits, and it looks like "me", and if it's relevant to my lifestyle. (sidebar, if my lifestyle involved being controlled by a man in a polygamous relationship i may own nothing but turtlenecks that i shared with my "sisters". on the other hand, if i was single and trying to hook a man in an urban metropolis, i may have a large collection of "party" tops that were more revealing and inappropriate for work. i'd like to think i'm somewhere in between the two spheres)
and here's another thought- why does the term "modesty" always seem to be in relation to clothing?? modesty should be inclusive of a general character trait. for example, people who are modest aren't constantly bragging about their achievements. being too immodest in character, can mean chasing people away with arrogance, flashiness, and insincerity. being too modest in character on the other hand, can result in seeming shy, or worse yet, closed minded, un-opinionated, controlled by a set of rules, and generally just a person who's hard to relate to.
sometimes the two are completely separate, but more often than not, how we dress is a reflection of our personality and can even imply how open we are toward others. and putting the issue of modesty aside, say a person is too formal, or too informally dressed for a certain occaion. that can reflect apathy or even ignorance. but then again, that's all based upon the standards set by the person wearing the clothes measured against the standards made from the one judging the other person's appearance. my final remark?: don't be too critcial of either side. we're all hiding something, aren't we?
the second blog post i read, http://julieclawson.com/2012/01/04/what-it-is-is-beautiful/ also reflected on the modesty issue, but moreso discussed gender stereotyping. she had a picture of an ad (from the late 70's i believe?) with a little girl in overalls holding a structure she had built out of legos. and the writer, and others commenting on the post, stressed how awesome it was that the legos weren't purple or pink. there was much more detail that the post went into, such as letting her kids play with both "girl toys" and "boy toys" & letting them, to use the phrase once again, be their "true self".
my thoughts on this one:
i'm totally supportive. however i remember once upon a time, going to my best (girl) friends house when i was say, 9 or 10? and being so excited to play with her lego set that was pink and purple! i had never had anything like that. i also remember, about the same time in my life, playing at my friend Peter's house and loving playing with his "boy toys" that made all kinds of noises and were remote control operated, from trucks to certain video games.
i was a girly girl who loved boys and i wanted what i didn't have. i wore frilly dresses that i got dirty. i arm wrestled the boys i really wanted to kiss. i played tea party. i played power rangers. i enjoyed both sides of the fence equally.
so here's a question; if colors can reflect "boy" or "girl" in the realm of toys & hobbies, how about other areas of life? people don't see Halloween as a "boy" holiday because of the orange & black scheme, or Easter as a "girl" holiday because of the pastel colored eggs. and L.A. Laker's fans aren't considered feminine because their color's are purple and yellow, right? and because of this i don't know why people seem to complain about girls being forced to like pink and if they don't there's something wrong with them. and you know what's funny? out of all my girl best friends, i don't think any of them (over the age of 12, anyway) even liked the color. as we all grew into woman hood, we associate the color fondly not only with femininity, but with breast cancer awareness. but you know what else? men get breast cancer too.
and another point (since i seem to be jumping around quite a bit on this one)from my perspective, it seems that women have an easier time being androgenous than men do. if my childhood friend Peter wanted to play with my Barbie dolls, for example, his friends and parents possibly would have him pegged as "troubled".
and then those same people wonder why some others can't come to terms with their own gender and have to undergo reconstructive surgery?
all of this, all these issues about modesty and sex and what is gender appropriate is really just a media standby to play on the historical male/female instinctual and evolutionary developed desires.
watch tv. look for commercials advertising weight loss programs, cleaning products, clothing, and home design. with a few exceptions, these are mostly geared to advertise for women.
now look for commercials advertising outdoor grills, cars, beer, and sports. hmm...i wonder which gender these ads are geared towards?
now like i said before, there are always exceptions to every rule. my question is, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY RULES???
and to go off on another tangent, a politically correct commercial will not only have men & women, but both genders of a race other than caucaisan in them. i was kind of disturbed today when i saw a commercial for a black dating website. i mean, really? isn't that backwards racism? and now we have to have a token "gay" guy in every sitcom. which, don't get me wrong, i fully appreciate, and you can refer back to my "thoughts on being gay" post from June of last year. but at the same time, really? making it that obvious is kind of a backwards way of saying something is still an issue that shouldn't be! we're all equal!
but, what remains, is that basic media influences are a cause of this learned behavior. that's really the best name for it. and unfortunately, sometimes trying to move forward, makes new issues out of old ones. we're all human, but i'm a typical "girl" by standard. and my boyfriend is a typical "boy" by the same.
and that doesn't mean we aren't open minded or don't appreciate the other. that just means, with what nature and nuture has given us, that's kind of how we turned out.
but we love people. and i can only speak for myself on this one, but isn't love just another word for understanding?
i think that's what it's all about. just trying to see things from another's perspective, and to understand where they come from.
(and to my fellow bloggers out there: for more help in the area of dressing, watch "What Not to Wear" on TLC. the hosts, Stacy & Clinton, have helped various women (& men) with a whole realm of issues. i like to think of them as therapists with really good taste :)
one writer talked a great deal about modesty, (http://nonprophetmessage.wordpress.com/2011/11/21/how-modesty-made-me-fat/ ) and how the need to cover up basically ruined her life. the need for her to not "be sexy" gave her an eating disorder, and she was underweight to avoid showing feminine curves. she talked about how being too modest can be as harmful to us women as being immodest- hence either side of the spectrum is all about influence and how we are representing our body to men. long story short, we should dress to be comfortable and happy, not in fear of or to call out the male sex drive.
my thoughts on this one:
well, i also grew up in a christian community that told us to embrace modesty. being a woman of great proportion in the mammary area, this wasn't always easy. i used to joke, "man, i even have cleavage in a turtleneck!" but mostly, my bodily concerns was that i was too big...everywhere. i still struggle in that area. in fact, if i've developed any disorder because of these concerns (or genetic misfortunes, if you will), i've developed a shopping disorder. i've spent a lot of money over the years trying to find cute clothes that flatter my body. and only a small percentage of all of those clothes have stayed in my wardrobe for longer than a few seasons. now, that's one soap box that i won't stay on too long. but, for the sake of the argument, i am a modest person in dress. you can ask my friends, outside of poolside time and special occasions (where i usually have to wear strapless dresses), i do my best to cover up the important parts. but does that mean i don't want to be sexy or attractive? of course not! i'm in a relationship with someone who i love, inside and out, and its requited. we have our blemishes, those little insecurities and things we'd like to change, but in general, we like how the other looks, and i don't want that to change! in fact, i find it hard to believe that women don't want to feel that way, outside of the small percentile who has had negative sexual experiences, including rape. point being: why is being modest vs. being sexy such a big issue? in asking that, i'm not trying to demean this woman's experience, or my own for that matter. but let me just say this: if getting dressed in the morning takes up that much emotional turmoil- then try to find the real root of the problem and deal with it. in the case of this blogger, she realized being too modest was keeping her from being her true self. my true self in relation to my clothing? i think that my style is cute, current, but not elitist in any way. i don't care about name brands. i don't care if my shirt was a $3 clearance find. what i do care about is if i like it, it fits, and it looks like "me", and if it's relevant to my lifestyle. (sidebar, if my lifestyle involved being controlled by a man in a polygamous relationship i may own nothing but turtlenecks that i shared with my "sisters". on the other hand, if i was single and trying to hook a man in an urban metropolis, i may have a large collection of "party" tops that were more revealing and inappropriate for work. i'd like to think i'm somewhere in between the two spheres)
and here's another thought- why does the term "modesty" always seem to be in relation to clothing?? modesty should be inclusive of a general character trait. for example, people who are modest aren't constantly bragging about their achievements. being too immodest in character, can mean chasing people away with arrogance, flashiness, and insincerity. being too modest in character on the other hand, can result in seeming shy, or worse yet, closed minded, un-opinionated, controlled by a set of rules, and generally just a person who's hard to relate to.
sometimes the two are completely separate, but more often than not, how we dress is a reflection of our personality and can even imply how open we are toward others. and putting the issue of modesty aside, say a person is too formal, or too informally dressed for a certain occaion. that can reflect apathy or even ignorance. but then again, that's all based upon the standards set by the person wearing the clothes measured against the standards made from the one judging the other person's appearance. my final remark?: don't be too critcial of either side. we're all hiding something, aren't we?
the second blog post i read, http://julieclawson.com/2012/01/04/what-it-is-is-beautiful/ also reflected on the modesty issue, but moreso discussed gender stereotyping. she had a picture of an ad (from the late 70's i believe?) with a little girl in overalls holding a structure she had built out of legos. and the writer, and others commenting on the post, stressed how awesome it was that the legos weren't purple or pink. there was much more detail that the post went into, such as letting her kids play with both "girl toys" and "boy toys" & letting them, to use the phrase once again, be their "true self".
my thoughts on this one:
i'm totally supportive. however i remember once upon a time, going to my best (girl) friends house when i was say, 9 or 10? and being so excited to play with her lego set that was pink and purple! i had never had anything like that. i also remember, about the same time in my life, playing at my friend Peter's house and loving playing with his "boy toys" that made all kinds of noises and were remote control operated, from trucks to certain video games.
i was a girly girl who loved boys and i wanted what i didn't have. i wore frilly dresses that i got dirty. i arm wrestled the boys i really wanted to kiss. i played tea party. i played power rangers. i enjoyed both sides of the fence equally.
so here's a question; if colors can reflect "boy" or "girl" in the realm of toys & hobbies, how about other areas of life? people don't see Halloween as a "boy" holiday because of the orange & black scheme, or Easter as a "girl" holiday because of the pastel colored eggs. and L.A. Laker's fans aren't considered feminine because their color's are purple and yellow, right? and because of this i don't know why people seem to complain about girls being forced to like pink and if they don't there's something wrong with them. and you know what's funny? out of all my girl best friends, i don't think any of them (over the age of 12, anyway) even liked the color. as we all grew into woman hood, we associate the color fondly not only with femininity, but with breast cancer awareness. but you know what else? men get breast cancer too.
and another point (since i seem to be jumping around quite a bit on this one)from my perspective, it seems that women have an easier time being androgenous than men do. if my childhood friend Peter wanted to play with my Barbie dolls, for example, his friends and parents possibly would have him pegged as "troubled".
and then those same people wonder why some others can't come to terms with their own gender and have to undergo reconstructive surgery?
all of this, all these issues about modesty and sex and what is gender appropriate is really just a media standby to play on the historical male/female instinctual and evolutionary developed desires.
watch tv. look for commercials advertising weight loss programs, cleaning products, clothing, and home design. with a few exceptions, these are mostly geared to advertise for women.
now look for commercials advertising outdoor grills, cars, beer, and sports. hmm...i wonder which gender these ads are geared towards?
now like i said before, there are always exceptions to every rule. my question is, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY RULES???
and to go off on another tangent, a politically correct commercial will not only have men & women, but both genders of a race other than caucaisan in them. i was kind of disturbed today when i saw a commercial for a black dating website. i mean, really? isn't that backwards racism? and now we have to have a token "gay" guy in every sitcom. which, don't get me wrong, i fully appreciate, and you can refer back to my "thoughts on being gay" post from June of last year. but at the same time, really? making it that obvious is kind of a backwards way of saying something is still an issue that shouldn't be! we're all equal!
but, what remains, is that basic media influences are a cause of this learned behavior. that's really the best name for it. and unfortunately, sometimes trying to move forward, makes new issues out of old ones. we're all human, but i'm a typical "girl" by standard. and my boyfriend is a typical "boy" by the same.
and that doesn't mean we aren't open minded or don't appreciate the other. that just means, with what nature and nuture has given us, that's kind of how we turned out.
but we love people. and i can only speak for myself on this one, but isn't love just another word for understanding?
i think that's what it's all about. just trying to see things from another's perspective, and to understand where they come from.
(and to my fellow bloggers out there: for more help in the area of dressing, watch "What Not to Wear" on TLC. the hosts, Stacy & Clinton, have helped various women (& men) with a whole realm of issues. i like to think of them as therapists with really good taste :)
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
"a pleasant nightmare"
the title i used is words from the musical intro to a show i really like called "Suburgatory". you should watch it....but that's already getting beside the point.
anyway, the past couple days I've been uber sick. like having to change my pants, sick. it's been awful. and among other things that being sick does to a person, like waking up at an ungodly 5 am, it makes you have wierd dreams. at least, wierder dreams than i normally have.
and this most recent "pleasant nightmare" is one that I have to share before i can go back to sleep.
So, the plan was to meet in the middle, my friend Jimmy and I. He decided to use a couple jet packs to get back to Colorado. I was meeting him in Wyoming. (thinking back now, how is that meeting in the middle since I live in Iowa?) However, I must have used a jet pack too, because I could see what it felt like to descend from the clouds, and get dangerously close to the Rocky Mountain peaks. I tiptoed on treetops and was whisked by the wind almost into a couple lakes. When I finally landed safely in a valley, I spotted my friend. We started hiking in the direction of "home", wherever that was. We were in a bit of a clearing, but saw a passage of trees we had to pass through. Little did we know, lurking behind that passage of trees was a fully grown bengal tiger and female lion. And they sure didn't like the looks of us. So I pretended to be a cub and meowed like a little one, and the tiger kept following us. But soon enough we were out of their territory, unscathed & eventually we were back in surburbia Des Moines, in the 1960's, most likely in someone else's story. Perhaps someone my father's age. Or perhaps we just had traveled in time. After walking around different neighborhoods, all of the cats started following us. Luckily this time it was just domesitic housecats. I don't remember what happens then, but whatever the case, the cats took us back to a crime scene, by a lakeside movie theater. The boy hero had just discovered the homeless kids by the lake were turning into zombies by eating the raw fish. The boy hero had a girl sidekick, (kind of like Jimmy & I, so maybe it was us, in hindsight). But we had to kill all the zombie children. And it was sad, but it had to be done. I was nervous, because there was telltale blood on my white sneakers, so i threw them in the lake with all the bodies. (watching too much Dexter? my conscious mind wonders...) Then, to recover, like any child duo would, we went in to see a movie. The movie turned out to be a concert, which eventually turned out to be a religious gathering of family and college friends. My friend Lindsey was there (as she always is in many a wierd dream) and of course her brother that I've had a dream crush on for years. Before I knew it I was in the basement of the church, making clown faces with old toys and candy on a paper plate, apparently the Sunday School craft of that day, giggling from the attention I was receiving from this man.
and, well, that's the end I guess. maybe that's where my brain decided, okay that's the last straw. everything else up to the imaginary flirting is believable, but then it just gets surreal :)
i hope you enjoyed my dream journey. i haven't had that much imaginary fun since watching "Up!" or "The Lord of the Rings."
oh, and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. hope no one else is sick too!
anyway, the past couple days I've been uber sick. like having to change my pants, sick. it's been awful. and among other things that being sick does to a person, like waking up at an ungodly 5 am, it makes you have wierd dreams. at least, wierder dreams than i normally have.
and this most recent "pleasant nightmare" is one that I have to share before i can go back to sleep.
So, the plan was to meet in the middle, my friend Jimmy and I. He decided to use a couple jet packs to get back to Colorado. I was meeting him in Wyoming. (thinking back now, how is that meeting in the middle since I live in Iowa?) However, I must have used a jet pack too, because I could see what it felt like to descend from the clouds, and get dangerously close to the Rocky Mountain peaks. I tiptoed on treetops and was whisked by the wind almost into a couple lakes. When I finally landed safely in a valley, I spotted my friend. We started hiking in the direction of "home", wherever that was. We were in a bit of a clearing, but saw a passage of trees we had to pass through. Little did we know, lurking behind that passage of trees was a fully grown bengal tiger and female lion. And they sure didn't like the looks of us. So I pretended to be a cub and meowed like a little one, and the tiger kept following us. But soon enough we were out of their territory, unscathed & eventually we were back in surburbia Des Moines, in the 1960's, most likely in someone else's story. Perhaps someone my father's age. Or perhaps we just had traveled in time. After walking around different neighborhoods, all of the cats started following us. Luckily this time it was just domesitic housecats. I don't remember what happens then, but whatever the case, the cats took us back to a crime scene, by a lakeside movie theater. The boy hero had just discovered the homeless kids by the lake were turning into zombies by eating the raw fish. The boy hero had a girl sidekick, (kind of like Jimmy & I, so maybe it was us, in hindsight). But we had to kill all the zombie children. And it was sad, but it had to be done. I was nervous, because there was telltale blood on my white sneakers, so i threw them in the lake with all the bodies. (watching too much Dexter? my conscious mind wonders...) Then, to recover, like any child duo would, we went in to see a movie. The movie turned out to be a concert, which eventually turned out to be a religious gathering of family and college friends. My friend Lindsey was there (as she always is in many a wierd dream) and of course her brother that I've had a dream crush on for years. Before I knew it I was in the basement of the church, making clown faces with old toys and candy on a paper plate, apparently the Sunday School craft of that day, giggling from the attention I was receiving from this man.
and, well, that's the end I guess. maybe that's where my brain decided, okay that's the last straw. everything else up to the imaginary flirting is believable, but then it just gets surreal :)
i hope you enjoyed my dream journey. i haven't had that much imaginary fun since watching "Up!" or "The Lord of the Rings."
oh, and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. hope no one else is sick too!
Friday, November 25, 2011
what i'm thankful for
i so thankful i have a job. a real, good job, even on the bad days. after all, it's the first time in 3 years i haven't gotten "fired" from temporary employment. it's quite nice actually. my brain is starting to realize i don't have to freak out right about now.
i'm grateful for lots of other things as well, like having a boyfriend, who albeit wakes me up in the wee hours of the morning, but it's to kiss me goodbye as he has to work a tertiary split shift on yet another holiday. he tells me he loves me and is thankful for me. happy sigh.
i'm thankful that the weather here has been pretty mild so far. i'm thankful that my carbon emission has been significantly low since march, since i can walk to work. i'm thankful for lots of happy times with family lately. i'm glad for social gatherings, and getting to see people in a different light. i'm glad we have such a nice apartment...one we have to pay more for with a new lease, but one we will enjoy & grow into for the next few years to come. i'm glad i don't work in retail on this "Black Friday". and i'm glad for lots of yummy food and recipies i'm about to eat and try this month. i'm thankful for a hand-me-down christmas tree, and getting time to decorate this weekend. i'm grateful my plants aren't all dying, since i brought them inside this fall. i'm thankful i got to take a nap today. and i'm thankful as always, that i can express myself, whether on this blog journal or elsewhere. it's kind of nice :)
i'm grateful for lots of other things as well, like having a boyfriend, who albeit wakes me up in the wee hours of the morning, but it's to kiss me goodbye as he has to work a tertiary split shift on yet another holiday. he tells me he loves me and is thankful for me. happy sigh.
i'm thankful that the weather here has been pretty mild so far. i'm thankful that my carbon emission has been significantly low since march, since i can walk to work. i'm thankful for lots of happy times with family lately. i'm glad for social gatherings, and getting to see people in a different light. i'm glad we have such a nice apartment...one we have to pay more for with a new lease, but one we will enjoy & grow into for the next few years to come. i'm glad i don't work in retail on this "Black Friday". and i'm glad for lots of yummy food and recipies i'm about to eat and try this month. i'm thankful for a hand-me-down christmas tree, and getting time to decorate this weekend. i'm grateful my plants aren't all dying, since i brought them inside this fall. i'm thankful i got to take a nap today. and i'm thankful as always, that i can express myself, whether on this blog journal or elsewhere. it's kind of nice :)
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
my high school nemesis
in junior high, when i moved to my "hometown" she was best friends with the girl i wanted to be best friends with.
in high school, when all i wanted was a boyfriend, or at least a date for prom, it was her who was in a semi-serious relationship.
in college, she went to Africa. it had been my lifelong dream to go to Africa.
and today, she just announced the birth of her firstborn boy- named Asher. and, indubitably, Asher is the name that my boyfriend & I had decided on a few years ago on for our firstborn boy, partially because it was so unusual.
now granted, i am not pregnant, nor will i be for the forseeable future. however, after this news, i only have one comment:
are you freaking kidding me right now?!?!
in high school, when all i wanted was a boyfriend, or at least a date for prom, it was her who was in a semi-serious relationship.
in college, she went to Africa. it had been my lifelong dream to go to Africa.
and today, she just announced the birth of her firstborn boy- named Asher. and, indubitably, Asher is the name that my boyfriend & I had decided on a few years ago on for our firstborn boy, partially because it was so unusual.
now granted, i am not pregnant, nor will i be for the forseeable future. however, after this news, i only have one comment:
are you freaking kidding me right now?!?!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
after 100 posts, someone dies
okay i just read my title and that sounds really cheesy, like some one-liner from a horror movie. and because of what i'm about to say, it sounds really tacky and insensitive. but it's the truth.
because this is my 100th blog post. and because yesterday, Jesse's grandmother passed away. as sad as it was to hear, it was also something that had been expected after several years of health problems. and to make a long story short, she was given 2 weeks to live back in May after having a stroke, so when we saw her on our vacation in September, it was a miracle that she was still alive.
it was a short visit, but one i'm so glad we got to make before she passed. for jesse, it's good he got to see her one last time, and for me, well, i'm just glad i got a chance to meet her after 6 years of being with my man.
yesterday was a really sad day. i did a lot of thinking and pondering; about life & death, about what is the right thing to do/say in a situation like this, and mostly, just being grateful it wasn't a member of his immediate family, or one of my loved ones, for that matter.
i guess i should consider myself lucky- i haven't had anyone that close to me die. the closest i had was a great aunt, and an elderly family friend.
jesse, however, has had 2 out of 4 sets of grandparents pass, as well as classmates, and a cousin that was his age died a couple years ago from diabetes. and because he's a guy and i'm your typical emotional girl, i handle these things worse than he does. he suffers silently, while i cry and blog and make resolutions, etc.
the thing is, even though i didn't know his grandparents very well, when i met them they were the personified old man & woman characters from the "Up!" movie... they even had a dog they took outside specifically just to chase squirrels. and they reminded me of what jesse & i might be like at that age...grumpy old man and social old woman who entertains guests despite oxygen tubes running the length of her house. basically, jesse's grandpa is a curmudeon of a man who cared for nothing at all except his lady Lois, and i'm afraid he will crumble now. i'm afraid his own life won't last long after this.
back in September, while eating jimmy johns in their small kitchen and listening to stories of little boy Jesse, i decided i loved them. because love doesn't have to be a grand gesture, or a physical passion, or even something that comes with years of knowing someone. i believe love can be about simply feeling connected to someone, even someone you barely know.
but bad things happen, timely or otherwise. and life, well, life still goes on. but i just thought something should be said. because i guess, somewhat narcissitically, i hope someday someone does the same for me. and also, because when death takes someone i am really close to, i might not have the ability to say something. or eat. or sleep. or even muster up the courage to say goodbye.
but this time, i can. so, goodbye Lois; you were loved and you will be missed. and for whatever it may be worth, you affected me.
because this is my 100th blog post. and because yesterday, Jesse's grandmother passed away. as sad as it was to hear, it was also something that had been expected after several years of health problems. and to make a long story short, she was given 2 weeks to live back in May after having a stroke, so when we saw her on our vacation in September, it was a miracle that she was still alive.
it was a short visit, but one i'm so glad we got to make before she passed. for jesse, it's good he got to see her one last time, and for me, well, i'm just glad i got a chance to meet her after 6 years of being with my man.
yesterday was a really sad day. i did a lot of thinking and pondering; about life & death, about what is the right thing to do/say in a situation like this, and mostly, just being grateful it wasn't a member of his immediate family, or one of my loved ones, for that matter.
i guess i should consider myself lucky- i haven't had anyone that close to me die. the closest i had was a great aunt, and an elderly family friend.
jesse, however, has had 2 out of 4 sets of grandparents pass, as well as classmates, and a cousin that was his age died a couple years ago from diabetes. and because he's a guy and i'm your typical emotional girl, i handle these things worse than he does. he suffers silently, while i cry and blog and make resolutions, etc.
the thing is, even though i didn't know his grandparents very well, when i met them they were the personified old man & woman characters from the "Up!" movie... they even had a dog they took outside specifically just to chase squirrels. and they reminded me of what jesse & i might be like at that age...grumpy old man and social old woman who entertains guests despite oxygen tubes running the length of her house. basically, jesse's grandpa is a curmudeon of a man who cared for nothing at all except his lady Lois, and i'm afraid he will crumble now. i'm afraid his own life won't last long after this.
back in September, while eating jimmy johns in their small kitchen and listening to stories of little boy Jesse, i decided i loved them. because love doesn't have to be a grand gesture, or a physical passion, or even something that comes with years of knowing someone. i believe love can be about simply feeling connected to someone, even someone you barely know.
but bad things happen, timely or otherwise. and life, well, life still goes on. but i just thought something should be said. because i guess, somewhat narcissitically, i hope someday someone does the same for me. and also, because when death takes someone i am really close to, i might not have the ability to say something. or eat. or sleep. or even muster up the courage to say goodbye.
but this time, i can. so, goodbye Lois; you were loved and you will be missed. and for whatever it may be worth, you affected me.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
i've had it with Brittany
no not the pop star, although the character from Glee i'm talking about did a great rendition of Miss Spears in an episode from Season 2.
but the character Brittany from Glee...i've had it with her. i don't know what the show's writers are thinking but season 3 is making headway and even though i enjoy the show, i find myself very frustrated to say the least that none of the characters have grown up; especially Brittany.
if you haven't seen the show, she takes your stereotype of "ditsy blonde cheerleader" to a whole new level. last year, her fellow Glee-mates had to play along when she believed in Santa. and in the latest episode she believed leprechauns were real and told this new foreign exchange student from Ireland - which she believed to be a leprechaun - that she would give him her "pot of gold" if he granted her 3 wishes.
the first thing about this that bothers me is her sexual life and all these innuendos on what's supposed to be a show for high schoolers. imagine if you will, an 8 year old bisexual. this is who i feel she's portraying with her elementary level of knowledge and her teenage hormones. she's constantly getting in to bed with someone, more often than not her best friend and ball & chain Santana. now, I really dislike Santana's character. to be blunt, she's a flat out bitch. and in my opinion, she only "loves" Brittany because she can control her because Brittany is so dumb.
and getting back to the whole "dumb" issue, this is where i really have the problem. if Brittany were real, she would be a teenager with developmental disabilities, aka special needs. her character makes Sue Sylvester's down syndrome minion Becky look like Albert Einstein.
what i find ironic about the whole thing is that the actress who plays Sue Sylvester's character, has not only become a nationwide symbol of who not to be in the show as well as several commercials, but is also involved in a campaign against offensive slang, such as the saying "that is retarded" or "that is gay", or any other racial slur for that matter. and also on the latest episode, Sue claims one reason she's running for office is to promote more special needs programs in schools because of her mentoree Becky and her deceased sister, who also had down syndrome.
so my question is, how is it not hypocritical of them to believe that, and yet have a girl on the show who is at a 3rd grade level mentally and not in special needs classes or getting the help she needs? and when people do tell Brittany the truth, e.g.- Santa Claus & Leprechauns don't exist, it's out of frustration rather than friendly honesty. and it's continually implied that her character is comic relief. but to me, her lack of mental faculty isn't funny, it's sad. and i'm rather sick of it.
but the character Brittany from Glee...i've had it with her. i don't know what the show's writers are thinking but season 3 is making headway and even though i enjoy the show, i find myself very frustrated to say the least that none of the characters have grown up; especially Brittany.
if you haven't seen the show, she takes your stereotype of "ditsy blonde cheerleader" to a whole new level. last year, her fellow Glee-mates had to play along when she believed in Santa. and in the latest episode she believed leprechauns were real and told this new foreign exchange student from Ireland - which she believed to be a leprechaun - that she would give him her "pot of gold" if he granted her 3 wishes.
the first thing about this that bothers me is her sexual life and all these innuendos on what's supposed to be a show for high schoolers. imagine if you will, an 8 year old bisexual. this is who i feel she's portraying with her elementary level of knowledge and her teenage hormones. she's constantly getting in to bed with someone, more often than not her best friend and ball & chain Santana. now, I really dislike Santana's character. to be blunt, she's a flat out bitch. and in my opinion, she only "loves" Brittany because she can control her because Brittany is so dumb.
and getting back to the whole "dumb" issue, this is where i really have the problem. if Brittany were real, she would be a teenager with developmental disabilities, aka special needs. her character makes Sue Sylvester's down syndrome minion Becky look like Albert Einstein.
what i find ironic about the whole thing is that the actress who plays Sue Sylvester's character, has not only become a nationwide symbol of who not to be in the show as well as several commercials, but is also involved in a campaign against offensive slang, such as the saying "that is retarded" or "that is gay", or any other racial slur for that matter. and also on the latest episode, Sue claims one reason she's running for office is to promote more special needs programs in schools because of her mentoree Becky and her deceased sister, who also had down syndrome.
so my question is, how is it not hypocritical of them to believe that, and yet have a girl on the show who is at a 3rd grade level mentally and not in special needs classes or getting the help she needs? and when people do tell Brittany the truth, e.g.- Santa Claus & Leprechauns don't exist, it's out of frustration rather than friendly honesty. and it's continually implied that her character is comic relief. but to me, her lack of mental faculty isn't funny, it's sad. and i'm rather sick of it.
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