after 100 posts, someone dies

okay i just read my title and that sounds really cheesy, like some one-liner from a horror movie. and because of what i'm about to say, it sounds really tacky and insensitive. but it's the truth.

because this is my 100th blog post. and because yesterday, Jesse's grandmother passed away. as sad as it was to hear, it was also something that had been expected after several years of health problems. and to make a long story short, she was given 2 weeks to live back in May after having a stroke, so when we saw her on our vacation in September, it was a miracle that she was still alive.

it was a short visit, but one i'm so glad we got to make before she passed. for jesse, it's good he got to see her one last time, and for me, well, i'm just glad i got a chance to meet her after 6 years of being with my man.

yesterday was a really sad day. i did a lot of thinking and pondering; about life & death, about what is the right thing to do/say in a situation like this, and mostly, just being grateful it wasn't a member of his immediate family, or one of my loved ones, for that matter.

i guess i should consider myself lucky- i haven't had anyone that close to me die. the closest i had was a great aunt, and an elderly family friend.

jesse, however, has had 2 out of 4 sets of grandparents pass, as well as classmates, and a cousin that was his age died a couple years ago from diabetes. and because he's a guy and i'm your typical emotional girl, i handle these things worse than he does. he suffers silently, while i cry and blog and make resolutions, etc.

the thing is, even though i didn't know his grandparents very well, when i met them they were the personified old man & woman characters from the "Up!" movie... they even had a dog they took outside specifically just to chase squirrels. and they reminded me of what jesse & i might be like at that age...grumpy old man and social old woman who entertains guests despite oxygen tubes running the length of her house. basically, jesse's grandpa is a curmudeon of a man who cared for nothing at all except his lady Lois, and i'm afraid he will crumble now. i'm afraid his own life won't last long after this.

back in September, while eating jimmy johns in their small kitchen and listening to stories of little boy Jesse, i decided i loved them. because love doesn't have to be a grand gesture, or a physical passion, or even something that comes with years of knowing someone. i believe love can be about simply feeling connected to someone, even someone you barely know.

but bad things happen, timely or otherwise. and life, well, life still goes on. but i just thought something should be said. because i guess, somewhat narcissitically, i hope someday someone does the same for me. and also, because when death takes someone i am really close to, i might not have the ability to say something. or eat. or sleep. or even muster up the courage to say goodbye.

but this time, i can. so, goodbye Lois; you were loved and you will be missed. and for whatever it may be worth, you affected me.