boobies

okay, so pardon the immediate pun, but i just read some revealing blog posts about modesty and gender stereotyping.

one writer talked a great deal about modesty, (http://nonprophetmessage.wordpress.com/2011/11/21/how-modesty-made-me-fat/ ) and how the need to cover up basically ruined her life. the need for her to not "be sexy" gave her an eating disorder, and she was underweight to avoid showing feminine curves. she talked about how being too modest can be as harmful to us women as being immodest- hence either side of the spectrum is all about influence and how we are representing our body to men. long story short, we should dress to be comfortable and happy, not in fear of or to call out the male sex drive.

my thoughts on this one:

well, i also grew up in a christian community that told us to embrace modesty. being a woman of great proportion in the mammary area, this wasn't always easy. i used to joke, "man, i even have cleavage in a turtleneck!" but mostly, my bodily concerns was that i was too big...everywhere. i still struggle in that area. in fact, if i've developed any disorder because of these concerns (or genetic misfortunes, if you will), i've developed a shopping disorder. i've spent a lot of money over the years trying to find cute clothes that flatter my body. and only a small percentage of all of those clothes have stayed in my wardrobe for longer than a few seasons. now, that's one soap box that i won't stay on too long. but, for the sake of the argument, i am a modest person in dress. you can ask my friends, outside of poolside time and special occasions (where i usually have to wear strapless dresses), i do my best to cover up the important parts. but does that mean i don't want to be sexy or attractive? of course not! i'm in a relationship with someone who i love, inside and out, and its requited. we have our blemishes, those little insecurities and things we'd like to change, but in general, we like how the other looks, and i don't want that to change! in fact, i find it hard to believe that women don't want to feel that way, outside of the small percentile who has had negative sexual experiences, including rape. point being: why is being modest vs. being sexy such a big issue? in asking that, i'm not trying to demean this woman's experience, or my own for that matter. but let me just say this: if getting dressed in the morning takes up that much emotional turmoil- then try to find the real root of the problem and deal with it. in the case of this blogger, she realized being too modest was keeping her from being her true self. my true self in relation to my clothing? i think that my style is cute, current, but not elitist in any way. i don't care about name brands. i don't care if my shirt was a $3 clearance find. what i do care about is if i like it, it fits, and it looks like "me", and if it's relevant to my lifestyle. (sidebar, if my lifestyle involved being controlled by a man in a polygamous relationship i may own nothing but turtlenecks that i shared with my "sisters". on the other hand, if i was single and trying to hook a man in an urban metropolis, i may have a large collection of "party" tops that were more revealing and inappropriate for work. i'd like to think i'm somewhere in between the two spheres)

and here's another thought- why does the term "modesty" always seem to be in relation to clothing?? modesty should be inclusive of a general character trait. for example, people who are modest aren't constantly bragging about their achievements. being too immodest in character, can mean chasing people away with arrogance, flashiness, and insincerity. being too modest in character on the other hand, can result in seeming shy, or worse yet, closed minded, un-opinionated, controlled by a set of rules, and generally just a person who's hard to relate to.

sometimes the two are completely separate, but more often than not, how we dress is a reflection of our personality and can even imply how open we are toward others. and putting the issue of modesty aside, say a person is too formal, or too informally dressed for a certain occaion. that can reflect apathy or even ignorance. but then again, that's all based upon the standards set by the person wearing the clothes measured against the standards made from the one judging the other person's appearance. my final remark?: don't be too critcial of either side. we're all hiding something, aren't we?


the second blog post i read, http://julieclawson.com/2012/01/04/what-it-is-is-beautiful/ also reflected on the modesty issue, but moreso discussed gender stereotyping. she had a picture of an ad (from the late 70's i believe?) with a little girl in overalls holding a structure she had built out of legos. and the writer, and others commenting on the post, stressed how awesome it was that the legos weren't purple or pink. there was much more detail that the post went into, such as letting her kids play with both "girl toys" and "boy toys" & letting them, to use the phrase once again, be their "true self".


my thoughts on this one:

i'm totally supportive. however i remember once upon a time, going to my best (girl) friends house when i was say, 9 or 10? and being so excited to play with her lego set that was pink and purple! i had never had anything like that. i also remember, about the same time in my life, playing at my friend Peter's house and loving playing with his "boy toys" that made all kinds of noises and were remote control operated, from trucks to certain video games.

i was a girly girl who loved boys and i wanted what i didn't have. i wore frilly dresses that i got dirty. i arm wrestled the boys i really wanted to kiss. i played tea party. i played power rangers. i enjoyed both sides of the fence equally.


so here's a question; if colors can reflect "boy" or "girl" in the realm of toys & hobbies, how about other areas of life? people don't see Halloween as a "boy" holiday because of the orange & black scheme, or Easter as a "girl" holiday because of the pastel colored eggs. and L.A. Laker's fans aren't considered feminine because their color's are purple and yellow, right? and because of this i don't know why people seem to complain about girls being forced to like pink and if they don't there's something wrong with them. and you know what's funny? out of all my girl best friends, i don't think any of them (over the age of 12, anyway) even liked the color. as we all grew into woman hood, we associate the color fondly not only with femininity, but with breast cancer awareness. but you know what else? men get breast cancer too.

and another point (since i seem to be jumping around quite a bit on this one)from my perspective, it seems that women have an easier time being androgenous than men do. if my childhood friend Peter wanted to play with my Barbie dolls, for example, his friends and parents possibly would have him pegged as "troubled".

and then those same people wonder why some others can't come to terms with their own gender and have to undergo reconstructive surgery?

all of this, all these issues about modesty and sex and what is gender appropriate is really just a media standby to play on the historical male/female instinctual and evolutionary developed desires.

watch tv. look for commercials advertising weight loss programs, cleaning products, clothing, and home design. with a few exceptions, these are mostly geared to advertise for women.

now look for commercials advertising outdoor grills, cars, beer, and sports. hmm...i wonder which gender these ads are geared towards?

now like i said before, there are always exceptions to every rule. my question is, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY RULES???

and to go off on another tangent, a politically correct commercial will not only have men & women, but both genders of a race other than caucaisan in them. i was kind of disturbed today when i saw a commercial for a black dating website. i mean, really? isn't that backwards racism? and now we have to have a token "gay" guy in every sitcom. which, don't get me wrong, i fully appreciate, and you can refer back to my "thoughts on being gay" post from June of last year. but at the same time, really? making it that obvious is kind of a backwards way of saying something is still an issue that shouldn't be! we're all equal!

but, what remains, is that basic media influences are a cause of this learned behavior. that's really the best name for it. and unfortunately, sometimes trying to move forward, makes new issues out of old ones. we're all human, but i'm a typical "girl" by standard. and my boyfriend is a typical "boy" by the same.

and that doesn't mean we aren't open minded or don't appreciate the other. that just means, with what nature and nuture has given us, that's kind of how we turned out.

but we love people. and i can only speak for myself on this one, but isn't love just another word for understanding?

i think that's what it's all about. just trying to see things from another's perspective, and to understand where they come from.


(and to my fellow bloggers out there: for more help in the area of dressing, watch "What Not to Wear" on TLC. the hosts, Stacy & Clinton, have helped various women (& men) with a whole realm of issues. i like to think of them as therapists with really good taste :)