food is wonderful and yummy and beautiful.
i grew up with an affliction towards food, because it seemed to have a love-hate relationship with me. it would tease me with its sweet & saltiness, then make me balloon up the more i consumed. i was told by my parents that i shouldn't eat so much. when i said how my skinny friends ate the same things i did or that my sister ate more than me, i was told "well they can, because they're thin."
i used food as crutch, as a coping method, and as a means to an end. i never spent time enjoying it, because i felt like i couldn't. i mostly ate in secret. i didn't want to be fat, i just wanted to feel full. i didn't take the time or make the effort to explore how many different kinds of wonderful food options there are, and used to think it mattered only how much i ate, but not necessarily what, since for 18+ years, it was always prepared for me.
i used to excersise off and on, coming up with a different routine here & there, but always got depressed. it would take me forever to lose weight and i would usually gain it back doubly....or triply. (if that's a word).
i was diagnosed with polycistic ovaries the year after my freshman 15, or to be more honest, my freshman 30. one of the side effects of having polycistic ovarian syndrome is digestive issues which lead to weight gain. this made me feel a little better about my lifelong struggle.
i was on diabetes medication to help with this problem for 7 years. but it didn't help maintain my weight, and it just gave me heartburn. i stopped taking this about a year ago. my mom has been worried about my blood sugar levels ever since. but the last time i got checked there were no issues- i had healthy levels of blood sugar, cholesterol, etc.
i realized, especially since i stopped taking this medicine, that even if you have a bodily issue, sometimes drugs don't really help at all. they just make you feel more sick and pathetic for being on multiple prescriptions under the age of 30.
i still pretend to like baby carrots without the help of ranch, because "they're good" for me. but in the past few years, living indepently and having friends who also like cooking & eating, i've realized that eating food you enjoy to eat is not a bad thing. yes, there are good food choices and bad food choices, but the older i get and the more my taste buds mature, it's easy to make good eating decisions without trying so hard. for example- stuff like mcdonalds & pop-tarts no longer taste good to me. on the other hand, a lot of vegetables do. i eat and prepare things my mother thinks is "gross", like making a lot of recipies with spinach.
and lately, i've been taking vitamins & exercising on a regular basis. something i used to think was a necessary evil as well. but i've realized it doesn't have to be horrible. and it definately makes a person feel better at the end of the day.
also, this past week i've started counting calories, something i thought only crazy anal annoying people did. this is based on a scale of my age, height, current weight, and goal weight, with regular exercise. and this isn't to hold myself back or "diet", as much as just to see what i'm putting in my body on a daily basis. i still drink pop, which i know isn't smart, but i also try to do it in moderation. that's something else i don't need to have a lot of these days, due to my maturing taste buds.
all in all, i know the concept of being healthy is something almost every individual struggles with. and i've also realized, over the years, being healthy isn't just about diet and exercise, but also about balanicng the other areas of life. and i've focused so much on trying to balance those other areas of life, and fix certain unfixable things, that now i know it's time to take a step back and try to help myself and better myself and stop worrying about when other people will change.
so whether i lose 10 pounds or gain 30 in the process, hopefully the people who love me will always do so, independently of my appearance. i'm just me, with or without a muffin top :) and i've decided to stop feeling guilty for who i am, and how i look.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
...and then some
it was 7 blog posts ago i was weening into my new job. 2 months have passed since then, and my new job is now my old job. yes, it happened again. as of monday i was once again deemed unemployable.
the good news is that i do have a new temp assignment starting this coming monday, so i more or less just had a little vacation this week. which on one hand was needed, but on the other hand, filled with stress because no one wants days off for that particular reason.
i don't need to go on and on about it, because this little broken record has played one too many times, and become the story of my life for the past 3 years now. 3 years, 5 departments, and 3 companies i've worked at as a temp to hire, all with the same conclusion: "volume is low and we don't need you anymore." my lengths of employment at each have ranged from 2 weeks to 11 months- or somewhere in between. there is no way of predicting how long a temp job will last. and sometimes, i didn't want it to last, because it was horrible. but this past position, i really, really did. and i'm never the only one they let go, but still. it hurts everytime. mentally, emotionally, and of course, financially.
today i went to pick up my belongings. you see- the way it works is that my temporary placement agency calls me the night after a days work, so they have to go get my personal belongings from my cubicle. and though i've started accumulating less and less with each new position, they somehow managed to fill a typing paper sized box full of my stuff. as i was bringing it down to my car this afternoon, a huge wintry gust of air came down and took the lid right off, and it ended up face down in the icky gray slush of the parking lot. granted, it could have been worse, but i found it ironic to be chasing after a stupid, not-worth it, cardboard box lid, just the same way i've been chasing after these jobs. i don't want the box lid, i don't need the box lid, but if i don't get it someone will make a big mess and i'll have to take responsibility for the littering catastrophe. and in the same way, i don't want to work at these places the temp agency sends me too, and often times i suppose i don't need to, but if i don't, my financial life and otherwise will just become a mess. and it's easier to prevent a mess than clean one up, as i've learned.
the eccelsiastical thoughts of "meaningless" come to mind here....chasing after the wind and such. i know sometimes you have to suck it up and deal with it, but the bottom line is, i'm sick of being a yo-yo because i have to "take what i can get". and after my 5 long months of being unemployed not so long ago, of which i'm still playing catch-up from, i can't afford another 5 months, just hoping something better and permanent comes along. because apparently no one in the non-temp world will hire me- not even stupid restaurants.
i'm trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel here, folks. but its hard to be optimistic, when you feel you peaked your senior year of high school, and it's been downhill on the "successful winner" side of things since then. i hate to admit it, but that's where i'm at; that's how i really feel. i don't quite know if my true potential will ever be realized, least of all by myself.
the truth of the matter is, i don't know if there's any place i'll ever want to work at. working isn't fun. (right?) i love learning, but the trouble comes when i have to apply my expensive education to some sort of career, when everything is just subjective. i've often thought of owning my own business, but since i don't come from a wealthy family, i'd still have to "work for the man" almost my whole life to save enough money for that. and by then, i'd just be ready to retire i assume.
to quote C.S. Lewis, "If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
the good news is that i do have a new temp assignment starting this coming monday, so i more or less just had a little vacation this week. which on one hand was needed, but on the other hand, filled with stress because no one wants days off for that particular reason.
i don't need to go on and on about it, because this little broken record has played one too many times, and become the story of my life for the past 3 years now. 3 years, 5 departments, and 3 companies i've worked at as a temp to hire, all with the same conclusion: "volume is low and we don't need you anymore." my lengths of employment at each have ranged from 2 weeks to 11 months- or somewhere in between. there is no way of predicting how long a temp job will last. and sometimes, i didn't want it to last, because it was horrible. but this past position, i really, really did. and i'm never the only one they let go, but still. it hurts everytime. mentally, emotionally, and of course, financially.
today i went to pick up my belongings. you see- the way it works is that my temporary placement agency calls me the night after a days work, so they have to go get my personal belongings from my cubicle. and though i've started accumulating less and less with each new position, they somehow managed to fill a typing paper sized box full of my stuff. as i was bringing it down to my car this afternoon, a huge wintry gust of air came down and took the lid right off, and it ended up face down in the icky gray slush of the parking lot. granted, it could have been worse, but i found it ironic to be chasing after a stupid, not-worth it, cardboard box lid, just the same way i've been chasing after these jobs. i don't want the box lid, i don't need the box lid, but if i don't get it someone will make a big mess and i'll have to take responsibility for the littering catastrophe. and in the same way, i don't want to work at these places the temp agency sends me too, and often times i suppose i don't need to, but if i don't, my financial life and otherwise will just become a mess. and it's easier to prevent a mess than clean one up, as i've learned.
the eccelsiastical thoughts of "meaningless" come to mind here....chasing after the wind and such. i know sometimes you have to suck it up and deal with it, but the bottom line is, i'm sick of being a yo-yo because i have to "take what i can get". and after my 5 long months of being unemployed not so long ago, of which i'm still playing catch-up from, i can't afford another 5 months, just hoping something better and permanent comes along. because apparently no one in the non-temp world will hire me- not even stupid restaurants.
i'm trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel here, folks. but its hard to be optimistic, when you feel you peaked your senior year of high school, and it's been downhill on the "successful winner" side of things since then. i hate to admit it, but that's where i'm at; that's how i really feel. i don't quite know if my true potential will ever be realized, least of all by myself.
the truth of the matter is, i don't know if there's any place i'll ever want to work at. working isn't fun. (right?) i love learning, but the trouble comes when i have to apply my expensive education to some sort of career, when everything is just subjective. i've often thought of owning my own business, but since i don't come from a wealthy family, i'd still have to "work for the man" almost my whole life to save enough money for that. and by then, i'd just be ready to retire i assume.
to quote C.S. Lewis, "If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
Monday, January 3, 2011
21st century, 2nd decade. wow.
a new year brings resolutions, remembrance, and reminiscing. it's hard to believe that already a decade has passed and it's currently 2011. when i was younger i could hardly imagine that coming to pass. and thinking back, a lot happened in the past 10 years. a significant a lot. but it would take too much time to delve into everything....so i'll just share the highlights:
2000- i spent a summer in Tamana, Japan. i learned patience, the love of sticky rice, and how to write my name in japanese caligraphy. and then some ;)
2001- i graduated from high school with a lot of honors, and a lot of forever friends.
2002- i realized i wasn't cut out to be a biology major- so i changed to psychology. and i loved it.
2003- jesse transferred to Northwestern. little did i know that wierd flirty boy would soon be the love of my life.
2004- i went to Bluefields, Nicaragua on my spring break. i fell in love with the people, and a 11 year old girl named Flor, who told me i should come back and build a house by the childrens' shelter we served at.
2005- all of my best friends in my college class graduated. and it was wierd, because i had another year to go. this was also the last year i was in an organzied band. the summer of, i started dating jesse, my first real boyfriend, never thinking it would turn into something long term.
2006- i studied/interned for a semester in Chicago. i was cold, depressed, had a horrible roomate, ate way too much Popeye's chicken, and spent more time than i would ever desire on the CTA. and i'm really, really glad i had that experience. that summer, i got a job and moved into my first apartment as a college grad. jesse moved in with me and we made a lot of people uncomfortable. it turned out to be one of the best decisions i've ever made.
2007- jesse & i went on our first road trip/long vacation as a couple. i brought a long a camcorder he got me that year for my birthday and we recorded most all of the places we went and people we saw. except for the weekend with my grandparents @ the Atlantic Ocean. also a first.
2008- that was a really tough year. i was working retail, and feeling guilty for quitting Orchard Place and all those kids i couldn't seem to help. i still think of them often, and hope they turned into healthy, stable, young adults. they will forever hold a place in my heart.
2009- 2 of my best friends moved really far away. and i was lonely. but before that happened, we had an awesome camping weekend in okoboji! tenting, boating, making smores- the best things in life, i think. a great time- despite of our tents flooding and fitting 8 people into one hotel room for a night!
2010- what a year. it had it's ups and downs, like any other. but for the first time in my life, i started to feel like a grown up. i dealt with several months of unemployment, and learned how to say no to things i couldn't always afford. i spent the summer watching LOST and making fresh fruit smoothies when i wasn't job hunting. we moved into a new apartment, and i'm having to learn to split time and energy with a 3rd roomate. a lot of family issues again rose to the surface, making me realize once again, some things won't ever change. but depsite all that, i think i've come out clean on the other side. i've had a time to ask forgiveness, and a time of renewal. i still have a long way to go before i reach my "ideal self", but i'm getting there.
so here's to the next 10 years- may they be the best ones yet!!
2000- i spent a summer in Tamana, Japan. i learned patience, the love of sticky rice, and how to write my name in japanese caligraphy. and then some ;)
2001- i graduated from high school with a lot of honors, and a lot of forever friends.
2002- i realized i wasn't cut out to be a biology major- so i changed to psychology. and i loved it.
2003- jesse transferred to Northwestern. little did i know that wierd flirty boy would soon be the love of my life.
2004- i went to Bluefields, Nicaragua on my spring break. i fell in love with the people, and a 11 year old girl named Flor, who told me i should come back and build a house by the childrens' shelter we served at.
2005- all of my best friends in my college class graduated. and it was wierd, because i had another year to go. this was also the last year i was in an organzied band. the summer of, i started dating jesse, my first real boyfriend, never thinking it would turn into something long term.
2006- i studied/interned for a semester in Chicago. i was cold, depressed, had a horrible roomate, ate way too much Popeye's chicken, and spent more time than i would ever desire on the CTA. and i'm really, really glad i had that experience. that summer, i got a job and moved into my first apartment as a college grad. jesse moved in with me and we made a lot of people uncomfortable. it turned out to be one of the best decisions i've ever made.
2007- jesse & i went on our first road trip/long vacation as a couple. i brought a long a camcorder he got me that year for my birthday and we recorded most all of the places we went and people we saw. except for the weekend with my grandparents @ the Atlantic Ocean. also a first.
2008- that was a really tough year. i was working retail, and feeling guilty for quitting Orchard Place and all those kids i couldn't seem to help. i still think of them often, and hope they turned into healthy, stable, young adults. they will forever hold a place in my heart.
2009- 2 of my best friends moved really far away. and i was lonely. but before that happened, we had an awesome camping weekend in okoboji! tenting, boating, making smores- the best things in life, i think. a great time- despite of our tents flooding and fitting 8 people into one hotel room for a night!
2010- what a year. it had it's ups and downs, like any other. but for the first time in my life, i started to feel like a grown up. i dealt with several months of unemployment, and learned how to say no to things i couldn't always afford. i spent the summer watching LOST and making fresh fruit smoothies when i wasn't job hunting. we moved into a new apartment, and i'm having to learn to split time and energy with a 3rd roomate. a lot of family issues again rose to the surface, making me realize once again, some things won't ever change. but depsite all that, i think i've come out clean on the other side. i've had a time to ask forgiveness, and a time of renewal. i still have a long way to go before i reach my "ideal self", but i'm getting there.
so here's to the next 10 years- may they be the best ones yet!!
Monday, December 27, 2010
milestones
three things i thought would never happen:
1) i finally paid off my car!! my first and only vehicle, i've had this chevy malibu in my life for almost 5 years now. all i can say is - it's about time! :)
2) there was no family drama this past weekend. surreal, i know. perhaps it was a christmas miracle- that's what i'm thinking anyway. there were of course, small annoying moments/things said from certain family members, but irregardless, nothing happened that made me want to cry, scream, or run away. that's definately progress!
3) jesse and i joined a gym last week. also surreal. i've always had an aversion to gyms for several reasons. a) i'm a bit self-conscious and don't want people looking at me. b) i think it's dumb to pay for something that should be free. c) i don't like running on treadmills. and d) most of the activity laden stuff i enjoy is outdoorsy. so why did we join, you ask? well, it started off as a 3 month free deal we got as a bonus for moving to a different apartment. and then we decided it would be a better deal to sign up for a year, thus waiving the > $300 fee it would cost just to join, and so now we only have to worry about the monthly payments (which won't be a huge deal now per accomplishment #1). and, i'm actually feeling good about this decision. we both need to be more active and get in shape, and i'm sick of us complaining to one another about it. and, per the reasons listed above, a)who cares, we're all there for the same reason. b)maybe paying for it will be more of a motivation to exercise on a regular basis. c) they offer free classes that i will love like zumba (a latin dance class) and d) they have a pool, (and also offer a water aerobics class) so i can get my summertime fix in the winter.
so hopefully all of the above will make my days become happier, have less back pain, become less insomniatic (yep- i decided thats a word), and overall, make me feel like i'm acheiving something. small milestones in a life, but milestones none the less.
1) i finally paid off my car!! my first and only vehicle, i've had this chevy malibu in my life for almost 5 years now. all i can say is - it's about time! :)
2) there was no family drama this past weekend. surreal, i know. perhaps it was a christmas miracle- that's what i'm thinking anyway. there were of course, small annoying moments/things said from certain family members, but irregardless, nothing happened that made me want to cry, scream, or run away. that's definately progress!
3) jesse and i joined a gym last week. also surreal. i've always had an aversion to gyms for several reasons. a) i'm a bit self-conscious and don't want people looking at me. b) i think it's dumb to pay for something that should be free. c) i don't like running on treadmills. and d) most of the activity laden stuff i enjoy is outdoorsy. so why did we join, you ask? well, it started off as a 3 month free deal we got as a bonus for moving to a different apartment. and then we decided it would be a better deal to sign up for a year, thus waiving the > $300 fee it would cost just to join, and so now we only have to worry about the monthly payments (which won't be a huge deal now per accomplishment #1). and, i'm actually feeling good about this decision. we both need to be more active and get in shape, and i'm sick of us complaining to one another about it. and, per the reasons listed above, a)who cares, we're all there for the same reason. b)maybe paying for it will be more of a motivation to exercise on a regular basis. c) they offer free classes that i will love like zumba (a latin dance class) and d) they have a pool, (and also offer a water aerobics class) so i can get my summertime fix in the winter.
so hopefully all of the above will make my days become happier, have less back pain, become less insomniatic (yep- i decided thats a word), and overall, make me feel like i'm acheiving something. small milestones in a life, but milestones none the less.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
it's almost Christmas
Christmastime this year has been different for me. in some ways, good, in others, not so much. usually i'm in the christmas spirit the 1st week of december. meaning- i'm ready to decorate, give & get presents, listen to & sing christmas music, etc.
but this year was different, for several reasons.
1) we moved- and un-packing was top priority
2) i started a new job. and it's good, but still leaves my mind focused elsewhere.
3) certain family issues, that, while i don't need to go on about in detail, (reference last blog post if you will for further vagueness) left me feeling completely empty and void of any holiday cheer for quite awhile.
a couple weeks ago, i was feeling so pained i didn't even want to celebrate christmas. i didn't have the "Christmasy hope" that i usually do, that everything would be all right. certain issues resurfaced this thanksgiving and for awhile i just wanted to cut myself off from certain relationships.
but i didn't.
it helped once i put my christmas tree up. and shopping for & wrapping my presents. and thankfully bit by bit, my mood turned around. i can't say as much for the certain circumstance, or how things will all play out this weekend, but at least i've been able to be somewhat jolly in the meantime.
and for now, these are the 3 life conclusions i've come to:
1) being fully unpacked and being settled are rarely the same thing. the former definately helps with the latter, but it's mostly a matter of - am i at peace here?
2)sometimes people suck. and sometimes i just have to be the bigger person. even if that means not addressing the situation all the time. people need time to heal- including myself.
3)nothing can change my mind when it comes to celebrating the birth of the Savior and the coming of Santa Claus. i don't care what anyone else says. christmas should be about wanting to give back to the people who love you and that you love the most. sometimes it's easier said than done, but i will never stop celebrating this holiday.
but this year was different, for several reasons.
1) we moved- and un-packing was top priority
2) i started a new job. and it's good, but still leaves my mind focused elsewhere.
3) certain family issues, that, while i don't need to go on about in detail, (reference last blog post if you will for further vagueness) left me feeling completely empty and void of any holiday cheer for quite awhile.
a couple weeks ago, i was feeling so pained i didn't even want to celebrate christmas. i didn't have the "Christmasy hope" that i usually do, that everything would be all right. certain issues resurfaced this thanksgiving and for awhile i just wanted to cut myself off from certain relationships.
but i didn't.
it helped once i put my christmas tree up. and shopping for & wrapping my presents. and thankfully bit by bit, my mood turned around. i can't say as much for the certain circumstance, or how things will all play out this weekend, but at least i've been able to be somewhat jolly in the meantime.
and for now, these are the 3 life conclusions i've come to:
1) being fully unpacked and being settled are rarely the same thing. the former definately helps with the latter, but it's mostly a matter of - am i at peace here?
2)sometimes people suck. and sometimes i just have to be the bigger person. even if that means not addressing the situation all the time. people need time to heal- including myself.
3)nothing can change my mind when it comes to celebrating the birth of the Savior and the coming of Santa Claus. i don't care what anyone else says. christmas should be about wanting to give back to the people who love you and that you love the most. sometimes it's easier said than done, but i will never stop celebrating this holiday.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
how do you know?
where's the line between being amiable, and being apathetic?
how do you know when something is a big problem, or whether you just care too much?
when is it time to sweep things under the rug, or time to let the shit hit the fan?
and when the shit does hit the fan, how do you manage to clean things up?
and if you do manage to clean things up, will there always be a stain to remind you of the truth?
how do you know what is right, or what is easy?
how do you know whether to let it go, or cling to something so tightly that you eventually give up waiting for things to change?
and how do you know whether you've become at peace with something, or whether you're just in denial?
tell me...how do you know?
how do you know when something is a big problem, or whether you just care too much?
when is it time to sweep things under the rug, or time to let the shit hit the fan?
and when the shit does hit the fan, how do you manage to clean things up?
and if you do manage to clean things up, will there always be a stain to remind you of the truth?
how do you know what is right, or what is easy?
how do you know whether to let it go, or cling to something so tightly that you eventually give up waiting for things to change?
and how do you know whether you've become at peace with something, or whether you're just in denial?
tell me...how do you know?
Friday, December 3, 2010
some things you (the reader) may not know about me (the writer)
my favorite necklace= an owl pendant attached to a long silver chain. the owl's belly is also a clock.
i sometimes wish i lived in the 80's. not because of the crazy fashion and music, but because people wouldn't be so addicted to technology. even when we get internet @ home again, it will never be my life. nor will acquiring the latest small gadgets. my phone allows me to call/text people and take pictures. thats all i need. and i was annoyed when they came out with blu-ray. just more money to spend on replacing the dvd's you bought to replace your vhs'. (and speaking of vhs- i still have mine.)
i really enjoy the concept of flying. for instance- this year, my christmas tree will have both bird & butterfly ornaments.
i really don't mind eating by myself in a public place. it's obviously not my first choice, but i've done it millions of times.
i hate using public restrooms. not because of the usual dirtyness, but because i have a complex with other people hearing me go. if my wedding day ever comes, i won't have a personal assistant to do the lifting of the dress. i'll probably just hold it all day. but i am starting to get over it the older i get. (related antecdote: when i was a kid and we went shopping out of town, my mom would always make my sister & i pee before we went to all the stores. which wasn't a bad idea, considering she was toting around kids for several hours. but this was a big deal for me. it usually ended up with her waiting 30 mintues while i tried with no avail. and then us getting in an argument about it.)
shoes i wish i would've gotten a 2nd pair of: my tan, suede leather loafer-moccasins. i've almost worn them out and they go with me everywhere, every season.
i don't understand people who don't like Panera. its like my favorite non-fast food, fast food place. it's always yummy and its quality food. their breakfast egg souffles are to die for. in fact, i wish i had one right now!
i don't really believe in astrology, but i have to say, i am a pretty stereotypical gemini. always contradicting myself, i live in two worlds. for example, one part of me wants to be wealthy and go shopping every weekend. the other part of me wants to sell all my belongings and move to a third world country. so finding balance, and appearing balanced is a big deal to me.
addendum to the last statement: i also have struggled since i was a small girl, between being utterly unique and fitting in all at the same time. it's probably my biggest complex- to appear different and yet relatable. which is probably why i was always "that wierd girl with the cute top".
miracle whip or mayonaise? definately mayo.
coke or pepsi? definately pepsi. but i don't hate coke, either.
some of my favorite things to eat together:
-cottage cheese & cashews
-ruffled chips and party dip
-wheat thins & red pepper hummus
-triscuits & laughing cow cheese
-popcorn with m&ms
-tuna with hardboiled egg & cucumbers (its better than it sounds!)
the song "bullfrogs & butterflies" has been in my head for a week now. i don't know why.
i embarrassingly tend to go for things that are less challeging and/or time consuming, because then i can easily succeed. (e.g.- i may buy a magazine instead of a book even though i love reading, or i may apply for jobs that i'm overqualified for because then i can be the best employee) it's a sad truth i had to admit to myself.
favorite vegetable- its a tie between red pepper and spinach. so i usually end up combining the two.
favorite type of ice cream- honestly? get me an original chocolate frosty from Wendy's and i'm good to go. i don't really need all the add ins. if i want a candy bar, i'll go buy a candy bar.
my latest purchase(not including food): a red Swingline staper online. $15 with shipping & handling. long story short- i needed a good stapler, and couldn't resist being Milton. (from Office Space)
i like animals more than people. its really true. when i'm watching a movie and an animal dies, there's 100% chance i'll be depressed for days. when a person dies, its about 50/50 that i'll even cry. but don't worrry, as far as movies go i'd still rather watch one with an all person cast. i'm not huge on the whole "animals talking" thing.
i love organzing & redecorating.
most people complain about mondays when working a full time job monday-friday. i'm here to say monday's are not evil. its really thursdays that are satan's spawn. it's the day of the week when i'm ready for the weekend, but its not here yet, and neither is payday. thursdays are for me, the jinx day, where everything goes wrong. i don't even know how it started, but i really feel like thursdays are cursed sometimes.
sometimes, randomly, i make up songs. words and music. but i rarely write them down. and sometimes, i choreograph dances in my head. it's true.
right now i'm: writing this blog post at work. intermittently working and eating my breakfast which today consists of animal crackers and no sugar added, strawberry flavored applesauce. apparently i'm 5 years old.
i sometimes wish i lived in the 80's. not because of the crazy fashion and music, but because people wouldn't be so addicted to technology. even when we get internet @ home again, it will never be my life. nor will acquiring the latest small gadgets. my phone allows me to call/text people and take pictures. thats all i need. and i was annoyed when they came out with blu-ray. just more money to spend on replacing the dvd's you bought to replace your vhs'. (and speaking of vhs- i still have mine.)
i really enjoy the concept of flying. for instance- this year, my christmas tree will have both bird & butterfly ornaments.
i really don't mind eating by myself in a public place. it's obviously not my first choice, but i've done it millions of times.
i hate using public restrooms. not because of the usual dirtyness, but because i have a complex with other people hearing me go. if my wedding day ever comes, i won't have a personal assistant to do the lifting of the dress. i'll probably just hold it all day. but i am starting to get over it the older i get. (related antecdote: when i was a kid and we went shopping out of town, my mom would always make my sister & i pee before we went to all the stores. which wasn't a bad idea, considering she was toting around kids for several hours. but this was a big deal for me. it usually ended up with her waiting 30 mintues while i tried with no avail. and then us getting in an argument about it.)
shoes i wish i would've gotten a 2nd pair of: my tan, suede leather loafer-moccasins. i've almost worn them out and they go with me everywhere, every season.
i don't understand people who don't like Panera. its like my favorite non-fast food, fast food place. it's always yummy and its quality food. their breakfast egg souffles are to die for. in fact, i wish i had one right now!
i don't really believe in astrology, but i have to say, i am a pretty stereotypical gemini. always contradicting myself, i live in two worlds. for example, one part of me wants to be wealthy and go shopping every weekend. the other part of me wants to sell all my belongings and move to a third world country. so finding balance, and appearing balanced is a big deal to me.
addendum to the last statement: i also have struggled since i was a small girl, between being utterly unique and fitting in all at the same time. it's probably my biggest complex- to appear different and yet relatable. which is probably why i was always "that wierd girl with the cute top".
miracle whip or mayonaise? definately mayo.
coke or pepsi? definately pepsi. but i don't hate coke, either.
some of my favorite things to eat together:
-cottage cheese & cashews
-ruffled chips and party dip
-wheat thins & red pepper hummus
-triscuits & laughing cow cheese
-popcorn with m&ms
-tuna with hardboiled egg & cucumbers (its better than it sounds!)
the song "bullfrogs & butterflies" has been in my head for a week now. i don't know why.
i embarrassingly tend to go for things that are less challeging and/or time consuming, because then i can easily succeed. (e.g.- i may buy a magazine instead of a book even though i love reading, or i may apply for jobs that i'm overqualified for because then i can be the best employee) it's a sad truth i had to admit to myself.
favorite vegetable- its a tie between red pepper and spinach. so i usually end up combining the two.
favorite type of ice cream- honestly? get me an original chocolate frosty from Wendy's and i'm good to go. i don't really need all the add ins. if i want a candy bar, i'll go buy a candy bar.
my latest purchase(not including food): a red Swingline staper online. $15 with shipping & handling. long story short- i needed a good stapler, and couldn't resist being Milton. (from Office Space)
i like animals more than people. its really true. when i'm watching a movie and an animal dies, there's 100% chance i'll be depressed for days. when a person dies, its about 50/50 that i'll even cry. but don't worrry, as far as movies go i'd still rather watch one with an all person cast. i'm not huge on the whole "animals talking" thing.
i love organzing & redecorating.
most people complain about mondays when working a full time job monday-friday. i'm here to say monday's are not evil. its really thursdays that are satan's spawn. it's the day of the week when i'm ready for the weekend, but its not here yet, and neither is payday. thursdays are for me, the jinx day, where everything goes wrong. i don't even know how it started, but i really feel like thursdays are cursed sometimes.
sometimes, randomly, i make up songs. words and music. but i rarely write them down. and sometimes, i choreograph dances in my head. it's true.
right now i'm: writing this blog post at work. intermittently working and eating my breakfast which today consists of animal crackers and no sugar added, strawberry flavored applesauce. apparently i'm 5 years old.
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