it's almost Christmas

Christmastime this year has been different for me. in some ways, good, in others, not so much. usually i'm in the christmas spirit the 1st week of december. meaning- i'm ready to decorate, give & get presents, listen to & sing christmas music, etc.

but this year was different, for several reasons.

1) we moved- and un-packing was top priority
2) i started a new job. and it's good, but still leaves my mind focused elsewhere.
3) certain family issues, that, while i don't need to go on about in detail, (reference last blog post if you will for further vagueness) left me feeling completely empty and void of any holiday cheer for quite awhile.

a couple weeks ago, i was feeling so pained i didn't even want to celebrate christmas. i didn't have the "Christmasy hope" that i usually do, that everything would be all right. certain issues resurfaced this thanksgiving and for awhile i just wanted to cut myself off from certain relationships.

but i didn't.

it helped once i put my christmas tree up. and shopping for & wrapping my presents. and thankfully bit by bit, my mood turned around. i can't say as much for the certain circumstance, or how things will all play out this weekend, but at least i've been able to be somewhat jolly in the meantime.

and for now, these are the 3 life conclusions i've come to:

1) being fully unpacked and being settled are rarely the same thing. the former definately helps with the latter, but it's mostly a matter of - am i at peace here?
2)sometimes people suck. and sometimes i just have to be the bigger person. even if that means not addressing the situation all the time. people need time to heal- including myself.
3)nothing can change my mind when it comes to celebrating the birth of the Savior and the coming of Santa Claus. i don't care what anyone else says. christmas should be about wanting to give back to the people who love you and that you love the most. sometimes it's easier said than done, but i will never stop celebrating this holiday.