words from Alanis to me, to you, beloved friends

One day I'll find relief
I'll be arrived
And I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends

One day I'll be at peace
I'll be enlightened
and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt

One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete

One day my mind will retreat
And I'll know God
And I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I'll be secure
Like the women I see on their thirtieth anniversaries


I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding

Ever expanding

Ever adventurous

And torturous

And never done


One day I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious, authentic and grounded and home

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time of being forever incomplete

brrr

it's getting colder and the days are getting shorter. oh how i dread the coming of winter. but the past few days i've realized there are some really good things about the colder seasons. this past summer i wrote about my favorite things about spring & summer. and now i suppose it's time to be optimistic and do the same about fall & winter :)

here's my top ten:

1) drinking hot tea and cocoa

2) breaking out all of my sweaters & long sleeved tees

3) early evening naps

4) the changing of leaves

5) lots of holidays & time spent with loved ones

6) (and speaking of holidays...) lots of yummy, homemade food and treats

7) the first snowfall

8) trees glistening like chandeliers after an ice storm

9) more book reading and other indoor activities

10) wrapping presents! i bought my first Christmas present last weekend with a dear friend :)

sushi breakthrough

so, i've never been a big fan of sushi...until today that is! a few weeks ago a "sample man" @ hy-vee was giving samples of edamame and california rolls. i gladly accepted the warm salty soy beans but was hesitant to try the "deli" sushi. but much to my suprise it was SO tasty!

and then, today, i had a strange craving and decided to go to hy-vee and get those yummy california rolls (& a couple crab rangoons of course, so as not to be too healthy) and my lunch was less than $8. Total. Can you believe that? $6 for a 12 pack of california rolls...and they tasted better than any i had tried at the two fancy sushi restaurants i've been to. and i only ate 6 rolls, so it was like 2 meals for the price of one.

granted i'm no conisseur, but all that mattered to me was that my lunch was fresh, satisfied my hunger and yet was still nutritional, and didn't burn a hole in my wallet all at the same time. it was a total breakthrough for me.

lazy weekend

i could polish my toes or tweeze my eyebrows, but all i want to do today is nothing.

i could go through my mail and pay some bills, but all i want to do today is nothing.

i could sweep the kitchen floor or do my laundry, but all i want to do today is nothing.

i could go to the library and check out a new book; i could finish reading the current book i've started. but all i want to do today is, well, nothing.

i could go to the gym and sweat for an hour. i could walk or bike on the trail by my house. but, excercise, really? no thanks. today = nothing.

i could've made something beatiful, or tried a new recipie, but all i've done today is absolutely nothing.

i could still post some pictures on facebook, or call up a friend. but alas, i want to do nothing.

i could put on something other than pajamas, but that means i would be doing something.

i could write on my blog about my thoughts on this or that, but then i would be thinking about something.

rather, i'd just as soon do nothing. :)

life is still good

i found out this weekend my mom does NOT have cancer. that made me really, really happy.

i went to church with my parents this morning. and even though i typically do not enjoy myself at this particular church, my eyes started welling up while singing a song about how great God is. i haven't felt that way in a long time. i haven't felt animosity towards God, or Christianity, just mostly ambivilence. and i was reminded again this morning that prayers do get answered, and that there IS so much to be thankful for.

life has been so busy lately. in fact, i've done 14 loads of laundry in 1 week! but now it's done, and i can rest. well....maybe not rest. but be at peace because of it.

and i leave with jesse for our september vacation in 2 days. it will be a short one, but it is so needed. a road trip, some good music and good company to boot. i even checked the weather forcast and it's supposed to be in the upper 70's all next week! i know that could change, and there's always possible car issues or road construction. but whatever happens, it will be okay. because it's time to get away. and after having 2 busy weekends as well, this and last weekend that is, hopefully i will be ready to be home for awhile when vacation is over.

to Alaina-

my blogger isn't letting me post comments and i don't know why! but this is what i was trying to say in response to your last comment:

i love you too! your face (& Kennan's) is on my fridge, so it seems like you're not to far away :)

september so far:

- we've gotten one of our receptionists back at work since she had her baby. she is less hormonal, although still quite bossy.

- i got yelled at by a doctor at work today.

- i have 5 days left on my antibiotics for my ear infection, which doesn't really feel like it is healing.

-this friday, my mom will undergo minor surgery. she is having an invasive needle biopsy for "supiscious matter" in her breasts. i'm in denial that anything is wrong, but still worried, i have to admit.

- starting tomorrow, we start celebrating with Jesse's family...his little sister is 6 months pregnant with a baby girl that i can spoil with Hello Kitty stuff. and this weekend his little brother gets married.

- my maternal grandma was just diagnosed with stage 1 of Alzheimer's/Dimentia. i'm also in denial about this. but if it's true, this will be the 3rd person in my family so far to contract this horrible, horrible disease. also if it's true, i pray that she will be put out of her misery before it gets to the point where she can't bathe herself or remember who her family is.

- my vacation starts 2 weeks from today! and i am excited, but also aprehensive. the weekend before, i'm spending with my mother & father. my father has been more horrible than usual to my mother lately. maybe he is just scared of losing her. but i don't want any bad news before my vacation starts- i told my mom this when she came & had lunch with me this weekend. she cried and told me not to have any regrets about life and relationships and started crying about her own mother. it is sad to think that as a 54 year old woman, she still has so many unresolved issues about her past. i suppose it's normal. but she is dealing with a lot right now, and therefore, so am i.

so life is good, but really, really overwhelming lately. i recently read a friend's post about an untimely death of a loved one. i hope, selfishly, that doesn't happen in my own realm of friends and family anytime soon. because again, selfishly, i couldn't deal with that right now.

so to sum up: it's good yesterday was a paid holiday, because i definately needed a day off from life & work. and its really very good i have a week long vacation soon....my first paid vacation in 4 years! so yay for blessings, and prayer for the rest :)