i have a confession...

so before i went to bed tonight, i decided to do the usual internet stuff: check my email, check my bank statement, view blogs, & peruse the world of facebook.

well thats where i took a wrong turn. i'll admit it, i was facebook stalking someone. an old crush to be exact. a brother of a close friend i once wrote a secret poem to. now, to be more blatantly honest, he's not even a facebook "friend" of mine, just someone who popped up as a "friend" of this other someone.

but because of his profile picture, i couldn't stop myself.

in that, was literally his profile with hot air balloons in the background. i LOVE hot air balloons. i have an entire photo album dedicated to a day at a balloon festival....and then some.

so then i decided to look at more of his photos, and what was the next one i saw? him playing piano (well a keyboard, actually) with a big red letter "S" in the background!?!?! (um...my first initial for those who didn't catch on right away)

okay, then i started freaking out a bit...internally that is. i thought to myself, "is this supposed to be a sign?"

and as ridiculous of a thought as i knew this was, i couldn't help but wonder... "what if we did become friends in real life? and what if we dated? where would he/i be now? what if we are still supposed to get together in the end?"

after the last question i kind of had to slap myself in the face. what am i doing? the love of my life is sleeping in the next room, and here i am, fantasizing about some guy. some guy who all i really know of promotes freedom for immigrants, spent 2 years in Africa, is a poet/musician.....i mean...can you really blame me? plus, just an fyi, he's really, really attractive!

and then i had an epiphany. like most everything else in life, i can analogize with my favorite tv show- "Friends". (who, i watch(ed) with his younger sister all the time, by the way....)....because as i say, everything relates back to Friends.

anyway, i thought about the episode where in season 2 Ross has to decide between Julie and Rachel. he makes all these con marks against Rachel, and when he gets to Julie's side of the list he can only think of one thing wrong with her, "She's not Rachel."

and there you have it. this guy, who mostly exists in my imagination, looks good, amazing even, on paper. but there's one thing wrong with him....he's not Jesse.