grocery shopping gives me OCD

yes, yes, it goes without saying that i've ignored blogging for the past few months, and for several reasons. without going into too much detail, here's a list of 5 reasons why I haven't written:
1) i saw a therapist for a few months, which was a good form of catharsis, and thereby decreased my need to blog
2) life gets really busy when spring and summer come around
3) work has been so stressful lately i need all the time i can get just to not think for a few hours at night and on weekends when i actually have some free time
4) i didn't like the depressing turn my blog took the past few entries...because that's not who i am and how i feel all the time
5) i didn't want it to be an obligation, and the important people in my life already know what's going on in it :)

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MEANWHILE- and again without being too depressing i want to talk about money and why grocery shopping makes me feel like a crazy person.

money sucks. the need for money sucks.  the fact that [we] work really hard 5 days a week to spend all our hard earned money 2 days a week sucks even more, and if you think about it, is really wrong and backwards.

theoretically, i'm in the best place financially i've been in years; i have a full time (non-temporary) job with benefits, i don't have any credit cards or credit card debt, i don't have any car payments and i rarely have to buy gas since i live close enough to walk to work, and i don't have any kids.

so then, pray tell, why am i so broke?  and maybe everyone feels this way.  don't get me wrong, i have what i need, and i get about 60% of what i want, whether it be going out to eat 3-4 times a week, or getting new bedroom décor.

but instead of eating good food, lately i've eaten cheap fast food to save money. and instead of getting new bedroom furniture cause i'm 30 and still sleeping in the same bed I've had since i was 3-years-old, i just got a new comforter and some candles to change the color scheme, and moved my furniture around to make it feel like a different space.

and before you start thinking this is just another blog post where i'm feeling sorry for myself, read on. my point is, or i guess my question is,  how is it that i can't afford to fix my broken car ac? how is it that i have to choose between getting someone a bridal shower present and getting myself a pedicure? and while both of those things might seem completely unnecessary, my point is, with everything i mentioned 3 paragraphs ago, i should be able to afford both right?

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jesse and i had talked about going camping this weekend...getting a way from it all in an affordable way, and enjoying the great outdoors. but, when the great outdoors decided to be 100 degrees, we decided on a Champp's burger, and comedic matinee in an air conditioned theater instead.   and then we made the mistake of getting groceries. oh so excited by coupons and fuel saver deals, we stocked up as we were out of about everything, since we didn't get much groceries the last couple weeks.  and all the while being frugal we still managed to spend $160.  on crap.  on a bag boy putting bananas and bread in the bottom of the bags.

so as we were loading the bags into our trunk, I had my 4th freak out of the week.  i was angry, no, indignant; as an [insert grocery store name here] former employee myself, it mortified me how badly he sacked our overpriced, even non-organic food that we paid good money for!  which happens ALL the time! what a moron! and don't even get me started on the cart corrals; people putting the small carts on the big cart side even when there's only 3 carts in there!  what inconsiderate jerks!!   and while i know these things aren't the end of the world, it just astonishes me that we as a society have forgotten the simplest of all social rules: the golden rule.

i know everyone is busy, everyone is tired, and apparently lazy, but it doesn't take that much time and energy to be considerate, does it?

so i left the grocery store feeling more and more like a crazy person.  but after a week of things breaking (i.e. ripped bed sheets, faulty internet, ac leaking water and mold underneath a closet area...etc) it's so easy to be angry and feel hopeless, even if it is about things that shouldn't matter all that much.  but at the end of the day, we live where we live, and if it isn't a good environment, it makes us want to go away and do things and going away to do things (i.e. eating out, road trips, etc.) costs money that we don't have.

so i don't have any big time revelations after today, except that from now on i will be bagging my groceries myself. 

as for the other stuff, i guess it's just about priorities,  and i would rather have a fun night out with jesse, than a working ac unit in my car when it's almost fall anyway.

holy crap, it's almost fall!