here and now and healing

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"All winter we got carried away...

 ...No, I don't want to battle from beginning to end,
I don't want to cycle or recycle revengeI don't want to follow death and all of his friends...          -(Coldplay)
                                              
the past 2 months have been hard. very hard.  if you are reading this, you probably know why, so i won't go into detail about what happened with my family. but the stress of it all has given me a bit of depression and lack of desire for most everything...including writing.   

so, i am not writing this out of self-pity, but rather, because i am finally starting to feel a bit like myself again.  and not because the "situation" is resolved, but because i am finding out certain truths about myself and about life. truth #1: i don't have to be co-dependent.

i feel incredibly stupid admitting this, especially as a psych major, but i always had the wrong definition of "co-dependency" in my mind.  i just thought it was as simple as 2 people being joint at the hip and not being able to do anything without the other person being 100% involved.  well, that can be an outcome of co-dependency, but not necessarily the whole "kit and caboodle"  of it all.  i am learning the difference between sympathy, empathy, and co-dependency.  and i'm trying be who i am without letting my mood be completely reliant on the actions and mood of everyone around me.


"It has gotten to my head.
Permeates the path I tread.
But I tread I'm moving on in a new and happy song.
I can sing about the night how my tunnel without light
Led me to the other side where the sky is blue.

It's all I can do to not let them ruin me.
I will not let them ruin me.
I will not let them ruin me again..."           -(Sixpence None the Richer)


 also, i am learning about grief and loss. truth #2: someone doesn't have to die for you to go through the typical stages of grief.  because apparently, with the diagnosis of my therapist, those are the symptoms i show, based on previous and current events happening in my life. i am...someone who is dealing with loss. and hopefully, one day, i will have closure.



....And in the endWe lie awake and we dream of making our escape
 And in the endWe lie awake and we dream of making our escape"             -(Coldplay)

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