i have a confession...

so before i went to bed tonight, i decided to do the usual internet stuff: check my email, check my bank statement, view blogs, & peruse the world of facebook.

well thats where i took a wrong turn. i'll admit it, i was facebook stalking someone. an old crush to be exact. a brother of a close friend i once wrote a secret poem to. now, to be more blatantly honest, he's not even a facebook "friend" of mine, just someone who popped up as a "friend" of this other someone.

but because of his profile picture, i couldn't stop myself.

in that, was literally his profile with hot air balloons in the background. i LOVE hot air balloons. i have an entire photo album dedicated to a day at a balloon festival....and then some.

so then i decided to look at more of his photos, and what was the next one i saw? him playing piano (well a keyboard, actually) with a big red letter "S" in the background!?!?! (um...my first initial for those who didn't catch on right away)

okay, then i started freaking out a bit...internally that is. i thought to myself, "is this supposed to be a sign?"

and as ridiculous of a thought as i knew this was, i couldn't help but wonder... "what if we did become friends in real life? and what if we dated? where would he/i be now? what if we are still supposed to get together in the end?"

after the last question i kind of had to slap myself in the face. what am i doing? the love of my life is sleeping in the next room, and here i am, fantasizing about some guy. some guy who all i really know of promotes freedom for immigrants, spent 2 years in Africa, is a poet/musician.....i mean...can you really blame me? plus, just an fyi, he's really, really attractive!

and then i had an epiphany. like most everything else in life, i can analogize with my favorite tv show- "Friends". (who, i watch(ed) with his younger sister all the time, by the way....)....because as i say, everything relates back to Friends.

anyway, i thought about the episode where in season 2 Ross has to decide between Julie and Rachel. he makes all these con marks against Rachel, and when he gets to Julie's side of the list he can only think of one thing wrong with her, "She's not Rachel."

and there you have it. this guy, who mostly exists in my imagination, looks good, amazing even, on paper. but there's one thing wrong with him....he's not Jesse.

i miss your words!

ode to....well....you're 50% of my audience, so you know who you are :)


ahem:

i have a fellow blogging friend,
but i do not know where she has been

i check her blog at least once a week
has she gotten lost, is she being meek?

i wish for words i cannot write,
and do not want to sound contrite,

but she's left me wanting, high and dry,
i miss her words, thus i sigh.

where are you C? i cry to the night,
i love your antecdotes on the fly,

and i just wanted you to know,
you are great and i love you so.


...and to the other 1 1/2 readers of mine, i love you too.

P.S. if you haven't checked out my other blog yet, you should: Once Upon a Time - sarahstorytime.blogspot.com. it's not quite as developed, and i'm working on a 5 part series (that will probably take 5 months the way it's going) but i think/hope you'll enjoy.

has it really been 10 years?

yesterday was a big day; (other than being a birthday to someone dear to me) it was my 10 year high school reunion. after much deliberation i decided to pay the fee, and drive about 6 hours round trip and just go.

and i'm glad i did. i actually had a lot of fun catching up with people, and jesse' helped me with the driving. and everyone that was present (about 25 of my classmates and their significant others, to be exact), was really very nice to me. except for about one person.

this is the whole irony of the night to me: the first person i saw was my favorite person, my best friend from middle/high school. she & her husband just happened to pull up in the parking lot right after i arrived. the second person i saw, however, was my least favorite person from my middle/high school days in Clarinda. she didn't acknowledge me at all. i tried to acknowledge her, but after my smile didn't break the ice on what can only be described as her meth-induced peakish face, i tried to forget it. and so she went on chain smoking and i went inside.

now, i'm not normally a mean/judgemental person. or at least i try not to be. i try to give people the benefit of the doubt. but this one person who gave me the cold shoulder last night was the same person who trashed my clarinet (literally- threw my clarinet - in case - in a garbage can), stuck gum in the hood of my new coat the first day of 8th grade, and in high school sat behind me in history class and taunted me each day with her nasty comments. one of my friends at the time told her off in front of everyone one day and that was pretty much the end of all her nastyness. but the fact remains, as nice of a person as i was, i still had a bully. and for no apparent reason, other than the fact that she just needed someone to be mean to.

and it's funny to me that after all these years, after all the hugs and handshakes and sincere kindness from all of my classmates except for her, it was once again reaffirmed that it is indeed her problem and not mine.

also- last night was the first night i drank beer from a keg. not that anyone really knew that, except jesse of course, but i thought it was worth mentioning. so if her reason to be mean to me back in the day was because i was too much of a goody two shoes, well, that reason no longer exists.

i would like to think that in 10 years time most people can change, or at the very least, are able to mature a little bit. but not everyone changes for the better. and last night was proof of that.