those things have somewhat been the theme of this week. i had someone telling me repeatedly today what a happy person i am, when the truth is i've had a really stressful/depressing week. and part of the reason why is because having this person around my family makes me nervous. i love this person, but this person has, repeatedly in past experiences, stirred the pot. and i mean the overflowing, boiling pot. and when this happens, she gets to leave and go back to her life, far away, without having to take ownership for any of it. and time passes, life goes on, and then it happens again.
tomorrow. i'm dreading tomorrow. maybe it will all be fine, but i'm not feeling very optimistic. and i'm hoping memorial day won't be very memorable. a mellow, boring day would be just fine with me.
and when it's all said and done, i will come home and take a nap. it's been too busy of a weekend for my taste. and to quote a greeting card i have, "sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it."
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
soda lovers' anonymous
this past year things have happened to better help myself...in various ways and for various reasons. for instance, i've tried not being so addicted to mt. dew. some people would say 1 can a day isn't that bad, especially since i'm not a coffee drinker, while others would believe it's a horrible lifestyle. whatever the case may be, caffiene is still a drug, as i have realized once again.
today i went home sick from work with symptoms of stomach cramps, migraine, & dizziness. i was of course, quick to blame pms & other stressful events in my life, but then i thought about it. i didn't have any mt. dew for 4 days last week. then on friday & saturday i had two servings each day, because i was missing it. then sunday, nothing. and after having a headache for over 10 hours today, i picked up some excedrin "tension headache" & the infamous green soda. after 2 pills (which also have caffiene) & a can, i was feeling much better. irony? i think not.
so what's the morale of my tale? well, trying to be good sometimes does bite you in the butt. does that mean i'll always be "bad"? maybe. at least it gives me more justification, in a slightly twisted way. i guess it's better than some other vices i could have. or at least that's what i'm telling myself :)
today i went home sick from work with symptoms of stomach cramps, migraine, & dizziness. i was of course, quick to blame pms & other stressful events in my life, but then i thought about it. i didn't have any mt. dew for 4 days last week. then on friday & saturday i had two servings each day, because i was missing it. then sunday, nothing. and after having a headache for over 10 hours today, i picked up some excedrin "tension headache" & the infamous green soda. after 2 pills (which also have caffiene) & a can, i was feeling much better. irony? i think not.
so what's the morale of my tale? well, trying to be good sometimes does bite you in the butt. does that mean i'll always be "bad"? maybe. at least it gives me more justification, in a slightly twisted way. i guess it's better than some other vices i could have. or at least that's what i'm telling myself :)
Thursday, May 5, 2011
may flowers
it's already may and i only wrote one post in april so i decided i better write another one now before may passes me by.
nothing super exciting is happening in my life. just making plans, paying bills (or trying at that, cause even with a full time job, i'm still playing catch-up), and trying to find things to entertain me in the meantime. recently including re-watching ugly betty on dvd, reorganizing my closet for spring/summer and purchasing 3 new pairs of shoes in the past two weeks. why? well, because it's fun and mostly affordable :) (hey- one out of the 3 pairs was $5 and they all were for work because we only are allowed to wear closed toed shoes so yeah...)
you see? i have a fine life. and yet i still feel apologetic and guilty.
let me explain; i work with a bunch of middle aged women who besides all being anal-retentive & petty to a certain degree about how paper clips should be attached to the files and then some, all have 2 things in common: kids/grandkids and the love of gardening. and while i love kids, i don't have any. and while i love nature, i don't have a yard to plant and reap. and somehow, apparently, i get the feeling that this makes me seem to them a "little girl". quite literally. it's actually one my fellow receptionists' nickname for me. seriously folks. she will even call me that in front of patients! (e.g.- "here, little girl can help you check out"). if you were a patient, would you want to step in line with someone with that nickname??
and while i know that it's really just a term of endearment, it makes me feel about 2 inches tall. just because i don't have the responsibilty of teenage boys, or cannot fathom talking for two hours about whether the ugly red garden ball should go in the bird bath, or on the ground in front of it, doesn't mean i don't have a life. in fact, some would say that means i have more of one.
do i like certain superficial things? of course. it just so happens that my top two favorite pastimes aren't the same of my fellow co-workers. and that's fine. i'm just trying to figure out how to fill the gap without being completely superficial myself.
because i have a lovely life. perfect? no. hells no. but i should feel grateful, not guilty. right?
nothing super exciting is happening in my life. just making plans, paying bills (or trying at that, cause even with a full time job, i'm still playing catch-up), and trying to find things to entertain me in the meantime. recently including re-watching ugly betty on dvd, reorganizing my closet for spring/summer and purchasing 3 new pairs of shoes in the past two weeks. why? well, because it's fun and mostly affordable :) (hey- one out of the 3 pairs was $5 and they all were for work because we only are allowed to wear closed toed shoes so yeah...)
you see? i have a fine life. and yet i still feel apologetic and guilty.
let me explain; i work with a bunch of middle aged women who besides all being anal-retentive & petty to a certain degree about how paper clips should be attached to the files and then some, all have 2 things in common: kids/grandkids and the love of gardening. and while i love kids, i don't have any. and while i love nature, i don't have a yard to plant and reap. and somehow, apparently, i get the feeling that this makes me seem to them a "little girl". quite literally. it's actually one my fellow receptionists' nickname for me. seriously folks. she will even call me that in front of patients! (e.g.- "here, little girl can help you check out"). if you were a patient, would you want to step in line with someone with that nickname??
and while i know that it's really just a term of endearment, it makes me feel about 2 inches tall. just because i don't have the responsibilty of teenage boys, or cannot fathom talking for two hours about whether the ugly red garden ball should go in the bird bath, or on the ground in front of it, doesn't mean i don't have a life. in fact, some would say that means i have more of one.
do i like certain superficial things? of course. it just so happens that my top two favorite pastimes aren't the same of my fellow co-workers. and that's fine. i'm just trying to figure out how to fill the gap without being completely superficial myself.
because i have a lovely life. perfect? no. hells no. but i should feel grateful, not guilty. right?
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