last friday afternoon i received very good news: i got the job! i will be working full-time with benefits (aka- no more being a temp!!!!) at an opthamology clinic. and the best part is, it's located right across the street from where i live!!
the past few days have been quite busy, with company, friends' birthday parties, etc. so it's taken some time for this good news to set in. it still seems quite surreal. this issue in my life has been so big and time consuming, that it feels as if i haven't yet woken up from a very good dream.
and speaking of dreams, mine have been non-stop lately. in reference to my last post, i thought that once i found out good news, i would be able to sleep peacefully. quite the contrary has happened though; now my angst is that of a small child in a candy store, and i cannot stop exclaiming about the wonderfulness that is surrounding me.
the other night, i had, among many, a wierd dream that stuck out to me. i realize i may lose some respect by admitting this, but i believe dreams do hold meaning, and someday would like to study dream psychology. i actually own a book called "10,000 Dreams Explained" by Pamela J. Ball, which is kind of like a dream "dictionary", of sorts.
the two things that stuck out most to me in this dream were the theme of hiding a key from the "bad people", and taking care of our pet whale at the end of the dream story. to explain a little further, the key was mine, and secret, and i had to keep it safe from harm. and at the end of the dream, my roomate had somehow acquired an orca (killer whale), that she had apparently purchased at Best Buy.
seems like a bunch of crazy dream nonsense right?
i'm here to argue quite the opposite. for instance, with the help of my dream dictionary i consulted the entries for "whale" and "key".
"KEY- A key can represent our need for liberation from a stressful situation and then the initiation of a positive spiritual move...."
"WHALE- as a mammal that lives within water, the whale symbolizes the power of resurrection and rebirth, and man's ability to surpass personal trauma."
now if that doesn't make sense of what is currently happening in my life, i don't know what does. i usually take the jargon in this book with a grain of salt; it's not like i let the art of fortune telling or astrology rule my life. but i'm here to say, don't take your dreams lightly. usually, you dream for a reason. even if you don't know what that reason is.
in the meantime, hopefully you will enjoy your dreams and no nightmares will come through! and praise Heaven for liberating me from the stressful situation of being a temp. although it's minor personal trauma, it's still traumatic none the less to deal with the instability, and tomorrow is the rebirth of my job-life. i'm so ready.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
dreams
lately i've had trouble sleeping. which, is usually a normal thing for me, however, since i started working out on a regular basis a few months ago, it's really helped my sleeping habits overall.
but, apparently not this week. it's not that i don't feel tired, but always in the afternoons. so i take a nap, which isn't always a long one, but i'm sure makes the cycle repeat itself. and my boyfriend/roomate is currently working 3rd shift, and even though we don't always sleep in the same bed, it's still disconcerting to know that he's not in the next room.
and then there's the whole job thing. waiting to hear back, wondering what will happen. applying for more jobs daily, but no more interviews as of yet. constantly wondering if this is going to be the time in my life where my situation changes for good, or if i'll have to suck it up and be a temp again.
and because of all this stress, i have dreams. sometimes these dreams are completely unrelated to my real life, but they still pester me and wake me up on an hourly basis.
sigh. hopefully i'll get a (non-temp) job offer soon and can sleep a good, full night's sleep. a sleep with the peace of knowing everything will be different and better this time around. it really, really needs to be.
but, apparently not this week. it's not that i don't feel tired, but always in the afternoons. so i take a nap, which isn't always a long one, but i'm sure makes the cycle repeat itself. and my boyfriend/roomate is currently working 3rd shift, and even though we don't always sleep in the same bed, it's still disconcerting to know that he's not in the next room.
and then there's the whole job thing. waiting to hear back, wondering what will happen. applying for more jobs daily, but no more interviews as of yet. constantly wondering if this is going to be the time in my life where my situation changes for good, or if i'll have to suck it up and be a temp again.
and because of all this stress, i have dreams. sometimes these dreams are completely unrelated to my real life, but they still pester me and wake me up on an hourly basis.
sigh. hopefully i'll get a (non-temp) job offer soon and can sleep a good, full night's sleep. a sleep with the peace of knowing everything will be different and better this time around. it really, really needs to be.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
good news!
i have 2 interviews scheduled for next week! one tomorrow, one on tuesday. and both are full-time, with benefits jobs, NOT through my temp agency!!
best case scenario, i get offered both jobs and even more interviews so i can actually feel like i'm choosing what i think is best, instead of taking what i can get. worst case scenario, i don't get offered either position. but the fact that people have actually responded to my applications and want to see me for an interview this soon after being unemployed again (2 weeks), compared to my hell of a summer (1 non-temp interview in 5 months!!) i consider myself blessed.
so wish me luck!
best case scenario, i get offered both jobs and even more interviews so i can actually feel like i'm choosing what i think is best, instead of taking what i can get. worst case scenario, i don't get offered either position. but the fact that people have actually responded to my applications and want to see me for an interview this soon after being unemployed again (2 weeks), compared to my hell of a summer (1 non-temp interview in 5 months!!) i consider myself blessed.
so wish me luck!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Hannah Hartford
is the name of one of the main characters in the lastest of my book club reads, entitled "The House at Riverton." i would recommend this British mystery novel to anyone. it's somewhat intimidating at first, being almost 500 pages, but once you're hooked, it's hard to put down. and it so much more than your basic mystery.
taking place in and around both WWI and WW2, i will admit there is a lot of death in this book. not violent gruesome death, just a lot of it. and there are also alot of secrets. i would say secrets are the main theme of this historical fiction read.
we had a lot to discuss in my book club tonight- and we got to talking about all the various characters; what role they played, whether we liked/identified with them, and so on. i found Hannah, the eldest of the 2 sisters in the story, to be the character i most identified with. it seems ironic- she's the daughter of a Lord and wants for nothing, and yet, her character wants for everything. she feels trapped, unfulfilled, and in a time where women shouldn't express themselves (much the less want anything more than a proper marriage and high society labels) she did not fit in with the typical women of the day.
she wanted adventure, she wanted to play games, keep and make secrets. she wanted to be free of her title and obligation, and not be tied down to a man she didn't really even love.
well, i suppose i can't identify with everything Hannah felt and went through, but i do empathize with the whole, "wanting adventure and freedom" aspect of her personality. i am lucky- i live in a time where a woman can express herself, can work for a living, and can even put a career ahead of making babies, if she so chooses. and yet i still feel trapped and unfulfilled, because neither is an option for me. or rather, neither seems to be an option at the present time. first of all, i'm nowhere close to being ready to start a family. and as far as the whole working thing goes, i'm not even sure i'm cut out to actually have a career...or that i even want one. or that i even know what i want. at least not yet.
a conclusion we came to in our book club about Hannah, was that she too, had that problem. she was only unfufilled because she didn't exactly know what she wanted...other than, to not be bored with silly tasks around the house.
i feel the same way. i just had an adventure in a beautiful place, many states away. i'm so grateful for this experience. and yet, unfortunately, i'm now left with the question of what my next adventure will be. job searching certainly doesn't do it for me. and yet that seems to be my constant disease, plaguing me ever so many months...or weeks. something i have to do, but something i don't want to do.
a friend recently told me how she & her sister were actually drawing up business plans together to open up a childrens' book store. <-- see, that's what i want. not exactly that, but something, somewhere or place i can make my imprint on for years to come. something i'm not ashamed of, something i'm actually proud to tell people. its not entirely a self-image thing, and i know plans like that take time to come into fruition, but at least for them, they are real, tangible plans.
maybe i just need a plan. the problem is, i need money to back up my plan. but i'd rather just go to california. and africa. and italy.....you get the picture.
growing up, i always thought i would die young. this memorable, tragic, romantic death, simply because i was young and therefore wouldn't have to figure out all this adult stuff. i don't say that to sound morbid or lazy, but i sometimes still think that. maybe i was never meant to be a "grown-up", in the typical sense of the word.
p.s.- Hannah died before the age of 30. just saying ;)
taking place in and around both WWI and WW2, i will admit there is a lot of death in this book. not violent gruesome death, just a lot of it. and there are also alot of secrets. i would say secrets are the main theme of this historical fiction read.
we had a lot to discuss in my book club tonight- and we got to talking about all the various characters; what role they played, whether we liked/identified with them, and so on. i found Hannah, the eldest of the 2 sisters in the story, to be the character i most identified with. it seems ironic- she's the daughter of a Lord and wants for nothing, and yet, her character wants for everything. she feels trapped, unfulfilled, and in a time where women shouldn't express themselves (much the less want anything more than a proper marriage and high society labels) she did not fit in with the typical women of the day.
she wanted adventure, she wanted to play games, keep and make secrets. she wanted to be free of her title and obligation, and not be tied down to a man she didn't really even love.
well, i suppose i can't identify with everything Hannah felt and went through, but i do empathize with the whole, "wanting adventure and freedom" aspect of her personality. i am lucky- i live in a time where a woman can express herself, can work for a living, and can even put a career ahead of making babies, if she so chooses. and yet i still feel trapped and unfulfilled, because neither is an option for me. or rather, neither seems to be an option at the present time. first of all, i'm nowhere close to being ready to start a family. and as far as the whole working thing goes, i'm not even sure i'm cut out to actually have a career...or that i even want one. or that i even know what i want. at least not yet.
a conclusion we came to in our book club about Hannah, was that she too, had that problem. she was only unfufilled because she didn't exactly know what she wanted...other than, to not be bored with silly tasks around the house.
i feel the same way. i just had an adventure in a beautiful place, many states away. i'm so grateful for this experience. and yet, unfortunately, i'm now left with the question of what my next adventure will be. job searching certainly doesn't do it for me. and yet that seems to be my constant disease, plaguing me ever so many months...or weeks. something i have to do, but something i don't want to do.
a friend recently told me how she & her sister were actually drawing up business plans together to open up a childrens' book store. <-- see, that's what i want. not exactly that, but something, somewhere or place i can make my imprint on for years to come. something i'm not ashamed of, something i'm actually proud to tell people. its not entirely a self-image thing, and i know plans like that take time to come into fruition, but at least for them, they are real, tangible plans.
maybe i just need a plan. the problem is, i need money to back up my plan. but i'd rather just go to california. and africa. and italy.....you get the picture.
growing up, i always thought i would die young. this memorable, tragic, romantic death, simply because i was young and therefore wouldn't have to figure out all this adult stuff. i don't say that to sound morbid or lazy, but i sometimes still think that. maybe i was never meant to be a "grown-up", in the typical sense of the word.
p.s.- Hannah died before the age of 30. just saying ;)
Monday, February 7, 2011
just a normal morning
my alarm rang. i hit snooze four times. i drug myself out of bed, kissed my boyfriend goodbye, and hopped in the shower. i washed, rinsed, and dried myself. i put on my deodorant and body spray. i dressed. i brushed my teeth and put on my make-up. i packed a lunch. i shut off the lights and locked the apartment door behind me. i drove to work, fighting the rush hour traffic, and wishing i could go back to bed. i stayed up way too late last night, of course.
i arrived at my latest job of three weeks. i heard my phone vibrate. i had missed a call from my temporary placement agency. i checked my voicemail. it was time to go. already. i said goodbye and packed up my things.
it was just a normal morning.
i arrived at my latest job of three weeks. i heard my phone vibrate. i had missed a call from my temporary placement agency. i checked my voicemail. it was time to go. already. i said goodbye and packed up my things.
it was just a normal morning.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
feeling blessed
a few months ago i was unemployed, scraping by, and miserable. but lately, i have been feeling so joyous and blessed. which is wierd, because usually this time of year, i'm tripped up with a case of the winter blues. but this year, all within 3 weeks time i will have been to 2 concerts/shows, and be traveling to California on a short but oh so sweet vacation with one of my bestest friends.
how am i able to do all of this? 1) having some sort of job for the past 3 months, 2) income tax refunds ;) , and 3) having an unconditional loving significant other who wants me to be happy and do things for myself, who supports me financially when i need it, and supports me otherwise all the time.
and even though i always feel the need to justify my actions, i don't feel like i'm squandering my money at all. i currently have half of my credit card debt paid off (which started out as ALOT- over $20,000 to be exact. yes, it's true.), and 2 & soon to be 3 of my credit cards entirely paid off. i also have my car completely paid off, as well as all my past medical bills (including my mole surgery from 3 years ago). so i think, even though i was only able to acheive this with the help of my sweet boyfriend, i deserve a reward. and a break, since i wasn't able to go on any vacation last summer. yes, i had more than enough "days off", but no real vacation. no sense of getting [physically] "away from it all". and that's okay, because that's life, and you don't always get what you want when you want it. but once in awhile you do. and that's how i'm feeling right now. very, very blessed.
how am i able to do all of this? 1) having some sort of job for the past 3 months, 2) income tax refunds ;) , and 3) having an unconditional loving significant other who wants me to be happy and do things for myself, who supports me financially when i need it, and supports me otherwise all the time.
and even though i always feel the need to justify my actions, i don't feel like i'm squandering my money at all. i currently have half of my credit card debt paid off (which started out as ALOT- over $20,000 to be exact. yes, it's true.), and 2 & soon to be 3 of my credit cards entirely paid off. i also have my car completely paid off, as well as all my past medical bills (including my mole surgery from 3 years ago). so i think, even though i was only able to acheive this with the help of my sweet boyfriend, i deserve a reward. and a break, since i wasn't able to go on any vacation last summer. yes, i had more than enough "days off", but no real vacation. no sense of getting [physically] "away from it all". and that's okay, because that's life, and you don't always get what you want when you want it. but once in awhile you do. and that's how i'm feeling right now. very, very blessed.
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