its Christmastime

"We shall find peace.
We shall hear angels.
We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds." -Anton Pavlovich Chekhov


“If we are not happy and joyous at this season,for what other season shall we wait and for what other time shall we look?” -Abdul-Baha


"It matters not who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love, or how you love, It matters only that You love." -John Lennon


"Deep peace of the winter solstice to you. Deep peace of the falling snow to you. Deep peace of the love of friends to you. Deep peace of the gentle deer to you. Deep peace of the moon and stars to you." -Author Unknown

the good, the bad, the ugly

the good: i got offered a job
i should start this wednesday
it's close to wear i live

the bad: its another temporary position
i've been a temp too long at a certain company and am in what they call a "6 month tenure of not being able to be a temp there" so i couldn't take the job that was previously offered me for two dollars more an hour
i'll be on the phones alot

the ugly:

yet another feeling of no choice in the matter, having to say yes to something unappealing because i need a paycheck no matter the 5 years i spent in college and not knowing what to do to get out of this rut because i am not financially stable enough to go back to school, nor do i want to
work with kids just to say i'm working with kids and get emotionally and pyschologically beaten up like i was 2 years ago.

aggghhh! there are no answers!

now i understand why some women choose to be stay at home moms.

snow is falling

i've never been a big fan of snow, but as i look outside the window today i see something magical-serene- quiet. the fluffy snow sneaks on to my porch and covers my bike seat and mini-grill, as if to protect them for next summer.

having nowhere to go the past several days has really changed my perspective; on cold, on snow, on everything. the more peaceful i am and have become lately is a reflection of how sometimes its okay to sit and think. sometimes its okay to have a weeklong sabbath- and maybe i'm making up for lost time.

anyway, for the first time in a long time i am enjoying watching the falling snow and feeling safe, protected, and warm inside my cozy apartment. its nice to have a few moments to reflect before i once again "get down to business" and apply for more jobs, file for more deferrments, etc.

the snow has made everything white- a blank slate. a new beginning.

its officially a new month

since i don't currently have anywhere to be from 8-5, i stayed up until 4 am yesterday organzing, decorating, and wrapping presents for Christmas. yes, i already have some presents under my crooked, 3 1/2 foot tree ;)

job or not, its always been important to me to celebrate christmas. and it may seem a bit materialistic, but i love giving gifts. in fact, i'm disappointed when i can't give everyone what i think they deserve, and when for some old friends are "too mature to exchange more than a card." its not about the amount of money i spend or that i think i should, its just always been one of my love languages to give gifts- big or small. and i'm always wishing i could do more.

i have to remember that its not always the most important thing, but i also think that personally, especially this time of year, my priorities are "groceries - christmas - bills". and i realize that may be illogical and stupid and maybe even somewhat childish, but its who i am.

and at the risk of totally taking this translation of a translation of scripture out of context, i will quote it. because it was in the bulletin at church this past Sunday, and i couldn't help but use it for my antecdote this first week of December, and first week of being unemployed:

"Get wisdom- its worth more than money; choose insight over income every time."
Proverbs 16:16, The Message